// when the weather says it all //

when i was taking the lrt back home just now at sk, the sun's rays were so bright, it was shining right into my eyes.
i managed to get a seat, hence decided to rest my eyes for a while.
however, when the lrt got to my station, i was rather apalled by the dark clouds looming over the area.
when i got home, i was greeted by the sight of my sobbing mum, announcing the bad news.
Gone.
My second aunt didn't even got past the chinese new year.
Within a month of receiving the bad news about her ill health, she's gone.
Just last year, her whole family came from Malaysia to visit us.
In the earlier years, she and my uncle slogged for many years to raise their children up.
My cousins did not let their parents down, studying hard and excel in their careers.
In recent years, my 2nd aunt and uncle were the envy of everyone.
Their first taste of their fruits of labour was when their eldest son graduated from uni, landed a good job and got married.
My cousin drove his family here to visit us last year.
At that time, we were commenting on how blissful my uncle and aunt looked, when they played with their first grandson.
Happines don't last forever.
How true.

// in the midst of tuning //

maybe it's nostalgia.
maybe i just don't want to grow up.
in any case, i always feel some sort of sadness whenever i find myself (or anyone else) losing a sense of innocence(and perhaps becoming more matured).
yes haha i'm THAT weird.
why are children adorable?
it's simply their innocence.
the ability to view the world without tinted glasses.
i think i've lost this ability, unknowingly.
i believe, once i officially step into the working world, i will also lose the ability to feel gratitude towards simple things...perhaps even more.
as we grow older, and maybe wiser, it seems that we are losing intangibles and gaining tangibles.
just because everyone is gunning for that position, for that car, the house...all those material fortune, people are forced into joining the rat race.
once they have amassed a wealth of fortune, they grow old, and it's time to spend those fortune...be it for enjoyment, leisure, or even sickness.
however, those fortune can never buy back the intangibles, the 'abilities' of childhood, the emotions once forgone.
it seems like an unfair deal.
and even more so, a vicious cycle no one can escape.

children are amazed by almost everything.
teenagers are amazed by most things.
adults never find anything amazing.

// reality week //

the truth hits from nowhere.
hurts like hell.

// to work //

somehow it just feels very weird not to report to school on the first day of the semester.
so far, it feels as though i have extended holidays hehe.
So far, the 'honeymoon week' is just over.

this week is orientation week and formal training will commence next week.
i can't imagine what it'll be like, hearing from people that OT is rather common.
oh wells.
for now, there's only one word to describe - psyched.
contrary to what i had thought, engineering is actually quite exciting.
or should i say R&D.
ok maybe i'm just awed by all these new experiences.
seeing all those machines literally walking out of my textbooks is really a fascinating experience.
mentally, it motivates me by the fact that all those stuff i've been mugging for exams have practical usage.
Nothing beats the experience of wearing a jumpsuit and walking into the 'clean room'.
Experience, they say, is the best teacher.

Oh and engineers are all so smart and cool.
Anyone with the perception that engineers are geeks with poor language skills are fairly mistaken.
Those whom I met were well-groomed, and could communicate effectively with colleagues and superiors.
Not to mention their high efficiency.
All these actually make me have doubts about myself, whether i am cut out to be an engineer in future.
I still have a long, long way to go before I can reach their level (that is if I can reach there, haha)
There's another thing.
In school, mse for example, the gender ratio is generally equal.
However, at work, it is obvious that majority of the engineers are males and female employees are usually in HR or supporting services.
I wonder why.

// it's 2010 //

people always say the older u get, the more u get to know the 'sour, sweet, bitter, spice' of life.
it can't get any truer than this.
oh well, 2010 sort of started with a bitter taste.

just sent off my uni friend to korea for her industrial attachment.
even though it's only six months, but still, our whole gang will miss her.
esp since her accommodation is still unsettled, it's rather worrying.
seems like ntu is not as efficient as thought!
behind all those pursuasive, exciting vibes about going overseas attachment is actually many unknowns and uncertainties.
just hope that she'll have a safe and eye-opening experience and back soon!

next week is start of my IA too, and i found out i'm the only ntu mse intern.
oh yea, get used to loneliness.
i remember the time i used to do temp jobs, and i find myself super awkward around older, more qualified people.
i hope it will get better.

then there's a bad news from my relatives in m'sia that has rendered my mum bursting into tears now and then.
i can't bring myself into saying it cuz i never thought such a thing will happen.

anyway, i'm probably late in writing my resolutions for the year but i had already thought of them earlier, just that i had not pen them down.

1. Take utmost faith in my religion
2. Cherish everyone, family and friends.
3. Be very discipline to achieve my goals.
4. Be mentally strong to take any criticisms.
5. Contribute to the company to the best of my ability.
6. Focus on getting good academic results.

this year, i hope to be very conscientious in my resolutions.
no more half-hearted promises.
no more cutting slack.
hopefully, with all these efforts i promised to put in, 2010 will have a sweet aftertaste.