Tuesday, October 30, 2007

// short post //

Meiting and Weiqi: Thanks for the present!

Tomorrow is another physics CA.
I will PERSIST.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

// alternating between shine and rain //

Gosh I'm feeling super bloated right now.
Sometimes I just don't know what is happening to me.
Here am I feeling so full yet I'm craving for a snack, like those lying on the dining table.
A piece of strawberry chocolate, a banana, some raisins or a few rolled biscuits?
All seems to be equally tempting to me. (yes, even on a bloated stomach)
Perhaps it is due to my lack of discipline.
Oh my, I just went to close the window to keep off the second hand smoke (courtesy of my neighbour) when I spotted some colourful steamed kuehs on the coffee table.
Yes, my home is probably a *snackophile's haven.

Suddenly this realisation dawned upon me... that my lack of discipline IS the root of all my troubles.
Maybe I shouldn't have the belief that "people should have all the freedom to do what they want". Come to think of it, the whole world would be in chaos if this really come true!

Because of this belief, I chose blogging and surfing the internet now instead of mugging for my CAs in the upcoming week.
Because of this belief, I chose to talk back to my mum instead of heeding her advice.
Because of this belief, I chose to slack around instead of studying for the physics re-test.
Because of this belief, I thought that I shouldn't correct others even if what they did would hurt other people.

Although I do not know how other people like my family and my friends see me, I sort of get the feeling that they see me as a hardworking, serious and peace-loving type of person.
Surprisingly, I myself do not feel this way and have no qualms about telling people I'm not like what you think.
I am, in fact, a slacker trying to work hard.

Motivation... my dear friends have given me a lot...especially through this blog.
That is why I still have the strength to go on and not totally give up on myself.
What I lacked is really the intrinsic motivation that arises from within myself.

Anyway, at this point of my life, I yearn to fulfil my resolutions.
I seek to be more discipined, more self-motivated, better management of time and emotions.
And, of course, better organisation of thoughts.
In this entry, my thoughts are all scattered. I'm simply typing out what I feel and think at that very moment.

To borrow a phrase from one of Westlife's old songs, "To be a better (hu)man"


Today I was supposed to type a happy entry because my family held a (very) early birthday celebration for me.
That's why, with the dinner and cake, I was super full.
However, perhaps the guilt of being out the whole day had overwhelmed me.
I was supposed to be studying!
My slow progress: -Materials science not even touched yet,
- Physics (heat and optics) half way done
Don't even ask me anything about studying for the semestral exams.
I just want to focus on clearing this coming week's CAs first.

Anyway, I finally got my laptop!
It's a compaq model with good specifications.(intel core 2 duo T7300, 2GB ram, 160 HDD)
Came with a free printer (now I have 3 printers?!)
The harvey norman saleman threw in a webcam, PC-cilin software, optical mouse and 1 GB thumbdrive.
At $1999, I think it's quite a good deal.
Haha. I can't wait to use it!

*snackophile - a word invented by me- intuitively

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

// cool night //

For the physics re-test, guess how much I got?
48/100!
Pathetic right?
Seriously I wasn't surprised at all.
Just surprised that this time round, the prof replied to my friend's e-mail listing our names to request for the scores.
But then again, when I only needed 2 more marks to pass.
2 more. what a waste.

Come to think of it, it is quite strange why I should be struggling with mechanics when most of the stuff were covered in A levels.
Perhaps it's because the questions were really unfamiliar.
I think my brain must be rusty le.
Conclusion: Uni is tough! not slack.
I'm feeling the heat already.
Let that be a negative form of motivation. Pressure.

Things to do:

By tomorrow: 5 Personal Learning Journals for management
By this week: Study for CA2s coming next week!
By this month: Study for semestral exams! (commencing from 14 -22nov)

Friday, October 19, 2007

//the intermittent rain//

Sometimes, this kind of rain that keeps stopping and resuming irritates me.
It seems like the rain can't make up its mind whether to rain or stop.
However, it shares the same kind of ambivalent attitude that I myself have.
According to the test I took, INFPs seems to be able to see the good side of a thing no matter how bad the situation turned out to be.
Thus INFPs may experience both positive and negative feelings towards a thing or person simultaneously.
That sounds like schizoprenic, isn't it?
haha.

Anyway, this week wasn't a good one for me.
I solemnly swear that the next time round, I will start on my formal lab report early.
That's the lesson I learnt.
While most others had the luxury of doing their lab report during the recess week, my group was quite unlucky to be the ones doing after the recess week.
Thinking that I still had all the time in the world to complete the report, I did nothing in the first week.
Then came the bomb: A re-test for physics
Argh. now I had to salvage my pathetic physics first...
In the end, I only started my 15-page report on saturday when it was due on monday.
Tough. I ended up with minimal sleep and the effect snowballed throughout the week.
Come to think of it, it is really my own doing that landed myself in this state.
Blame it on myself.

Yesterday, the life science lecture was cancelled and none of us was even informed of it beforehand.
Actually, many people already sensed something was amiss when the notes weren't uploaded onto the net.
In the end, in the evening, the prof mass e-mailed to everyone to apologise for his absence due to "unforseen circumstances" and that he'll put up last year's recorded lecture onto the net.
What is this man?!
After which, it was the dreary math lecture which I had unknowingly slept through half of it.
Argh, I didn't want to sleep through it at all!
You know how much sleep you are deprived of when the lecturer's voice becomes softer by the second and finally your ears simply shuts off. Then you have reach a state of concussion where your mind stops telling you that you are in a lecture hall.

After lessons, it was badminton with yv, wx and his friends.
I was such a lousy player.
Then, I learnt table-tennis from yv! yea. she's a school player. so pro right.
Table-tennis requires less stength to hit but it is really no easier than badminton.
On the whole, it was fun!
Finally, to end the day, I went for the mse club publications meeting.
Okay, I can't believe I'm officially inducted as a school magazine writer!
haha. It was too good to be true.
I simply replied to the recruitment e-mail they sent last week and crossed my fingers to hope for the best.
Yesterday, the editor e-mailed me that I got shortlisted.
Cool.
I hope this new school magazine would take off with a good start.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

//rainy day//

Recently I had this management lecture which discusses about the myer-bridges personality test. Last time, I had done a shorter free version at haleonline.com but now the site is charging 99 cents! So I decided to check out other websites.

INFP

Introverted Feeling

INFPs live primarily in a rich inner world of introverted Feeling. Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and toward essence and ideal. This introversion of dominant Feeling, receiving its data from extraverted intuition, must be the source of the quixotic nature of these usually gentle beings. Feeling is caught in the approach- avoidance bind between concern both for people and for All Creatures Great and Small, and a psycho-magnetic repulsion from the same. The "object," be it homo sapiens or a mere representation of an organism, is valued only to the degree that the object contains some measure of the inner Essence or greater Good. Doing a good deed, for example, may provide intrinsic satisfaction which is only secondary to the greater good of striking a blow against Man's Inhumanity to Mankind.

Extraverted iNtuition

Extraverted intuition faces outward, greeting the world on behalf of Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied good will. Intuition spawns this type's philosophical bent and strengthens pattern perception. It combines as auxiliary with introverted Feeling and gives rise to unusual skill in both character development and fluency with language--a sound basis for the development of literary facility. If INTPs aspire to word mechanics, INFPs would be verbal artists.

Introverted Sensing

Sensing is introverted and often invisible. This stealth function in the third position gives INFPs a natural inclination toward absent- mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling's strong people awareness provides a balancing, mitigating effect. This introverted Sensing is somewhat categorical, a subdued version of SJ sensing. In the third position, however, it is easily overridden by the stronger functions.

Extraverted Thinking

The INFP may turn to inferior extraverted Thinking for help in focusing on externals and for closure. INFPs can even masquerade in their ESTJ business suit, but not without expending considerable energy. The inferior, problematic nature of Extraverted Thinking is its lack of context and proportion. Single impersonal facts may loom large or attain higher priority than more salient principles which are all but overlooked.

Famous INFPs:
William Shakespeare,
Wadsworth Longfellow
A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie)
Helen Keller, deaf and blind author
Carl Rogers, reflective psychologist,
counselorFred Rogers
Donna Reed, actor (It's a Wonderful Life)J
vocalistTom Brokaw
news anchorJames Herriot
Julia Roberts, actor (Conspiracy Theory, Pretty Woman)
Amy Tan (author of The Joy-Luck Club, The Kitchen God's Wife)
John F. Kennedy

Fictional INFPs:
Anne (Anne of Green Gables)
Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)
Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial
Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons


Jung Career Indicator
YOUR TYPE
INFP
Strength of the preferences %
44, 50, 12, 22

Career Choices for Your Type
Perception -50Processing -12Implementation -22
Jung Career Indicator determines careers most suitable for your type from personality type standpoint. Based on your personality type, the following is a list of your most suitable occupations along with some educational institutions, where you can receive a relevant degree or training.
Career: Educational Institutions, Social Service, Counseling, Religious Education
Education: Art/Science, Humanities, Web Design, Musician, Literature/Writer, Archaeology, Health Care, Psychology, Psychotherapist

uh-oh, according to this, it seems like I've entered the wrong course for my personality.

Friday, October 12, 2007

//fine weather//

Update!
The prof has replied me again!
Reply: 20/100

haha. so now you see how atrocious did I do for physics right.
Jia you to myself.
I need to chiong later after management meeting.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

//cloudy gloom//

Just as I thought CA week was over, this week brings another 3 tests in all.
management on monday, maths today and physics tomorrow.
Ya. The physics re-test.
Weird timing: 7-9pm.
I wish I could have started everything earlier.
Like studying for physics test and formal lab report.
Becuz I've suddenly lost my motivation to do anything.
Even blogging.
My lecturer, Dr Ko, said before that if you lost the interest in doing something that was once pleasurable, it is most likely that you suffer from depression.
I think I'm mildly depressed.

The slacking bug recently invaded my life.
I mean, sure, I had to give extra tuition to my tutees due to their exams and to do a draft for management report.
But I know those are just EXCUSES.
Truth is, I've slacked.
I can only prepare for the worst tomorrow.
Haiz.
Anyway, I still don't know what I got for the nightmarish physics CA the previous time.
Since some people e-mailed the prof to ask about their marks, I thought I should ask about it too.
To know how bad I flunked it.
Maybe it was the tone of my e-mail or maybe he wasn't in a good mood.
The prof refuses to tell me my marks!!
Argh. What is this?
I emailed him yesterday 10+pm
My friend did it at around 12am.
Yet the replies were different!
The reply I got: Sorry I can't possibly check for everyone.
The reply my friend got: XX/100
You see, it's SO unfair!
My thoughts were that if I know my horrendous marks, I would have the motivation to study for the re-test.
Surely he doesn't have the right to withhold my marks from me but tell others what they got!
Argh. I'm so angry.
I absolutely hate discrimination.
Fine, I will NOT e-mail him again.

By the way, my studies is in a total mess right now.
I kept lagging.. and there's no end to it.
I simply don't have the discipline to keep away from the TV.
Plus, I don't have the mood to study.
In other words, I have low intrinsic motivation.
Low stress + low pressure + bad time management ----> low productivity----> low quality and quantity of work
I remembered Mr Chio told me in J1 that I need to find a study method that works for me.
It has been almost 3 years and I haven't found it yet.
Why??

Also, I sort of find myself travelling for 1/2 of the day.
I am tired of travelling to and fro.
Absolutely tired.
What makes it worse is that I am tired but I can't sleep properly on the bus or mrt.
Even taking afternoon naps at home is impossible.
The only time I can sleep is during lectures and at night at home.
The drone of the lecurers' voices, esp physics and life science, provides the sleep-inducing effect.
The silence of the night makes me sleep easily too.
But I should not be sleeping during lectures!
Can anyone provide me with a remedy for my problems?

That's all.
I need to force myself to study for physics now.
Haiz.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

//in the sweltering heat//

The weather today was hot!
I drank lots of plain water, ate an ice-cream cone, had a cup of bandung and strawberry milk tea!
Yesterday was the first day bus service 179A was in use.
It travels the same route as 179, just that it doesn't stop at any bus-stops except those at NTU itself.
I shouldn't have taken it on the first day itself cuz just like computer softwares and tech devices like MP3, the first version surely contain problems and the subsequent ones would be ok.
I guess it's SBS's strategy of not making the berth too crowded hence both 179 and 179A are currently in different waiting berths.
Anyway, I forgot the new service started on mon.
Becuz there were so many bus queues in the morning so I sort of found myself on way to the berth of 179A.
The first day saw 179A rendered useless becuz the frequency of 179 itself was even faster.
Hmm. like while I was patiently waiting for 179A, three 179 buses had gone off.
oh well.
a lesson learnt.

Returning to sch on the first day, as usual, was a blue monday.
Well, except that I got to wear lab coat for the lab lesson.
And goggles and mask. Cool!
Two major things coming up.
Formal lab report and motivation report drafts, on top of tutorials.
Oh ya, another thing, our phy lecturer thought that some people, like me, screwed up their CA1 so there's gonna be a voluntary make-up test NEXT FRI. (I haven't got back my paper but i'm totally sure the results would be horrendous)
Shocking! Not much time left to prepare.

I remember telling some people some time ago that uni life is slack.
Now I shall take back my words.