//cloudy gloom//

Just as I thought CA week was over, this week brings another 3 tests in all.
management on monday, maths today and physics tomorrow.
Ya. The physics re-test.
Weird timing: 7-9pm.
I wish I could have started everything earlier.
Like studying for physics test and formal lab report.
Becuz I've suddenly lost my motivation to do anything.
Even blogging.
My lecturer, Dr Ko, said before that if you lost the interest in doing something that was once pleasurable, it is most likely that you suffer from depression.
I think I'm mildly depressed.

The slacking bug recently invaded my life.
I mean, sure, I had to give extra tuition to my tutees due to their exams and to do a draft for management report.
But I know those are just EXCUSES.
Truth is, I've slacked.
I can only prepare for the worst tomorrow.
Haiz.
Anyway, I still don't know what I got for the nightmarish physics CA the previous time.
Since some people e-mailed the prof to ask about their marks, I thought I should ask about it too.
To know how bad I flunked it.
Maybe it was the tone of my e-mail or maybe he wasn't in a good mood.
The prof refuses to tell me my marks!!
Argh. What is this?
I emailed him yesterday 10+pm
My friend did it at around 12am.
Yet the replies were different!
The reply I got: Sorry I can't possibly check for everyone.
The reply my friend got: XX/100
You see, it's SO unfair!
My thoughts were that if I know my horrendous marks, I would have the motivation to study for the re-test.
Surely he doesn't have the right to withhold my marks from me but tell others what they got!
Argh. I'm so angry.
I absolutely hate discrimination.
Fine, I will NOT e-mail him again.

By the way, my studies is in a total mess right now.
I kept lagging.. and there's no end to it.
I simply don't have the discipline to keep away from the TV.
Plus, I don't have the mood to study.
In other words, I have low intrinsic motivation.
Low stress + low pressure + bad time management ----> low productivity----> low quality and quantity of work
I remembered Mr Chio told me in J1 that I need to find a study method that works for me.
It has been almost 3 years and I haven't found it yet.
Why??

Also, I sort of find myself travelling for 1/2 of the day.
I am tired of travelling to and fro.
Absolutely tired.
What makes it worse is that I am tired but I can't sleep properly on the bus or mrt.
Even taking afternoon naps at home is impossible.
The only time I can sleep is during lectures and at night at home.
The drone of the lecurers' voices, esp physics and life science, provides the sleep-inducing effect.
The silence of the night makes me sleep easily too.
But I should not be sleeping during lectures!
Can anyone provide me with a remedy for my problems?

That's all.
I need to force myself to study for physics now.
Haiz.