//the most intolerable e-lecture//

Never felt so hopeless while simply listening to an online lecture recording.
Nothing gets into the head.
Concepts too abstract to grasp.
Lecturer speaking at bullet train speed.
Mind's stuck, hand's not functioning.
To sum it all, nanomaterials is HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE!

// how does one fights inertia? //

This week, I've just had a lecture on motivated forgetting.
If I remember correctly, it is a phenomenon whereby you intentionally forget something.
For some people, it could be a traumatic experience which they can't recall...
yes, which means what you see on TV- victims forgetting their trauma in those crime serials are probably true.
For me, well it another type of motivated forgetting which is an everyday occurence.
It comes in the form of procrastination.
How?
Well, when I'm are stuck between choices, when I'm are faced with something unpleasant or not enjoyable, I have a tendency to put off those things until..
I'm forced to choose or when the deadline is near.
That, according to cognitive psych, is a form of motivated forgetting.
When I got to know of this, I couldn't believe my ears.
WH-AAT?
Becuz, it's so VERY often that I 'forgot' to do something.
For example, I could very well forget what my mum told me to do ten minutes later.
Or forget what assignment is to be done after being told about it the day before.
All the while, I thought I had short term memory.
Now, it turns out that I was subconsciously suppressing my retrieval of such information.
Psych just makes everything seems incredible...and complicated.
Anyway, my prof suggested that to overcome this, we should do those unpleasurable things
as early as possible, so that the pain will be over faster.
According to him, there's some research which have shown this.
This really explains why I'm always feeling overwhelmed by things to do.
Things which I can never get down to doing until the deadline is near.
I really hate the feeling of doing last min work, but I can't bring myself to do it earlier.
But I can't help it, I'm an idealist - always waiting for the most ideal answer.

I Never Find Perfection haunts me again!

No matter how many different personality tests I take, the result remains the same -
IDEALIST-seeking a unity of mind, body and spirit
Of course, every personality type have their good and bad.
It seems I've experience more of the cons of being an idealist, esp
"More prone to inner turmoil"
I guess this is really true.
I mean, when most people are in a dilemma, they probably get stuck for a few days, decide, stick to their guns and move on.
Most don't care two hoots, in a making a decision, one thing have to be sacrificed for another.
For me, I take a very long time to decide which to sacrifice and really regret after that.
Little things can haunt me for a long time.

Since it's the time of the year for Scorpio, I shall also share abit about my star sign.
Well, anyway it's claimed to be the most misunderstood of all signs.
Probably cuz Scorpion is poisonous?

Scorpio is the only star sign that has 3 animal totems.
First, the Scorpion itself, it represents vengeance and dangerous nature of Scorpio.
He is always thinking of hurting those around him by wielding his power.
Secondly, the Lizard, it represents the Scorpio who hides from life and never achieves its full mesure.
He is always in critical of himself, hence drowning in sorrow and having low self-esteem.
Thirdly, the Phoenix, it represents the Scorpio who rises out of ashes and rises high above surface circumstances.
He is able to transform the painful and poisonous possessive passions into a higher consciousness based on universal love.

And of course, I'm pretty sure I'm the Lizard.
A long long way to go to become a Phoenix.

//the ugly sight//

very often, i have to keep my eyes on the ground while walking.
at least, when i'm walking around my neighbourhood.
not because there are coins or 2-dollar notes left lying around.
it's because of those dark brown or black oblique shaped thingy.
in layman terms, dog shit. (and, of course even if there's a scientific term to it, i wouldn't know or want to know)

fortunately, i have not (yet) stuck my shoe into any of those puddles that's ever so common in my neighbourhood. esp in the void decks or pavement.
it's probably because the stench first invaded my breathing pathway as a warning.
this, i don't know if it's a good or bad thing.
a blessing in disguise? a smelly one indeed.

well, previously the situation wasn't that bad, cuz cleaners often came to mop the floor and clean up those mess.
many people always think a housing estate gets dirtier as it ages and my case bore a testament to that.
i've realised the cause is due to the diminishing number of cleaners.
when we first moved in, cleaners came almost everyday to sweep and mop the floor in the public corridors and void deck.
nowadays, the situation is far from it, i hardly ever see them anymore, once a month would be more probable.
however, it really wouldn't be fair to blame it on the cleaners.

in the first place, why are there dog shit and litter around?
I, for one, never littered.
In fact, I could safely say the same for the majority of my fellow HDB residents.
ever so often when I spot sweet wrappers, potato chip wrappers and cans around, my suspicions goes to two groups of people.
1. students who are studying in the schools nearby
2. construction workers who are building the flats nearby
although i've never seen with my eyes those perpetrators, but i'm quite certain about my guesses.
after all, they either don't live in this particular housing estate or don't care about the cleanliness of this housing estate.
thanks to them, i'm practically living in a rubbish dump.

what's even worse are those who bring their pet dogs for a walk.
well, i seriously doubt about the 'walking' part, but i am really pertubed by the 'shitting' part.
of course i'm not so inhumane as to complain about dogs answering the nature's call when they have to.
but those owners, most of them living in the private estate just a stone's throw aways from my HDB estate, i'm seriously wondering if they are bringing their canine for a walk or simply for a poo.
Even if it's for a poo, shouldn't they clean up their pets' mess afterward?
instead of relying on those practically non-existent cleaners.
and mind you, it isn't even their job to clean up your dog's poo.
HDB dwellers like us contributed to their wages.
even if you paid conservancy fees, that's for your area, your atas private estate.

each time a puddle disintegrates, another puddle forms freshly a few metres from it.
i've had enough.

// canteen food that lives up to its name //

food, no matter how unappetising it is, appeals to the very hungry.
well, it applies to the majority but not me.
or maybe it's because i'm fortunate enough never to have experienced such hunger torment yet.
at the risk of sounding like a disdainful, spoilt brat, canteen food is unbearable!
whew, i've let it out. Finally, at the end of week 6.

In week 1, the agonising transition from the all-time scrumptious hawker fare to the limited choice at the food court style canteen was perfectly normal, i suppose.
Even though I couldn't enjoy the gratifying wanton noodles or that luscious duck rice or mouthwatering yong tau foo (just to name a few) anymore, I was looking forward to the fare that saw me through at least 4 semesters before, like the teriyaki chicken, salmon pate, grilled chicken with curry, bak chor mee and ban mian. Or even that good-old vegetarian food.
With all the anticipation of revisiting a long lost friend, I was sorely disappointed when I ate those food again.

Quality had dropped rather drastically, although quantity was still maintained.
I used to like the Jap stall a lot, partly due to its efficiency, but perhaps efficiency also played a part in the decline in food consistency, especially during peak hours.
How can I even swallow the rice which is so clumpy and sticky that I can't even differentiate one grain from the next using my naked eye?
Maybe they should just serve rice balls next time.

Our canteen's bak chor mee has a newspaper clipping saying that it's a franchise from the famous hougang stall.
Maybe the only common thing is that they shared the same factory supplier for the fishballs, which still had the same smooth texture and sufficient bite.
By looking at the noodles which surprisingly, is still yellow in colour despite I ordered it with tomato sauce, you would have never guessed that the stall had won several culinary awards, which the cerificates were displayed prominently at the stall front.
And the most dreaded was observed again, clumpy noodles, obviously devoid of moisture and taste. I would have like them springy instead of so brittle that the strands broken even before i could put them inside my mouth.
Well, anyone who's reading this, I'm so sorry that I spoilt your appetite for lunch or dinner.
But i really have to rant.

On the bright side, at least the Indonesian stall and ban mian folks did their best to maintain the taste of the food.
In fact, the grilled chicken set from Indonesian food is something I'll eat every week without fail.
On the other days, I'll survive on Subway (which is expensive so I can't eat very often) or have very late lunches (before that, a heavy breakfast) at pitstops on my way home.
Two weeks ago, I decided to revisit the vegetarian stall, one of my friends always say that vegetarian food can't go wrong.
Well, she couldn't be more wrong.
I ordered a takeaway, and when I first opened the packet and took first few bites, I was instantly gratified.
This is real food, I thought.
However, I notice some pale yellow liquid against the white styrofoam container.
It was oil. I realised the whole egg was drenched in oil.
So were the kway teow, though the bee hoon looked perfectly ok.
Sigh sigh sigh.
Even if this was the only edible food in the whole canteen, I wouldn't eat it often.
Not at the risk of clogging my arteries.
All I wish for is just a handful of stalls serving edible, relatively healthy food which I can subsist on to replenish my energy loss in travelling to school.
Is it something too much to wish for?

Universities always advocate academia, making sure we have sufficiently qualified lecturers and professors.
Billions are also spent on building state of the art laboratories, advanced equipment and cutting edge technology.
What about the gastronomical well-being of students?
I don't think anyone actually bothers to put in much thought or funds into looking into it.
Studies have shown that some natural food are supplements to the brain, although some are not exactly proven.
Of course, ideally we should only take in healthy food and food that are claimed to boost brain power. After all, even if those claims are actually untrue, placebo effects might occur, we'll never know.
But I know, to achieve that is practically impossible.
On the flip side, it is really alarming to see how MacDonalds and Old Chang Kee have never-ending queues. It just goes to show how many students are depending on fast food to satiate their food cravings since the canteen didn't really do a good job.

Oh well, canteens are notoriously for poor tasting food, aren't they?
At least the one I frequent lives up to its name.

// lesson from a busker //

a piercing sound greeted me in the MRT underpass.
it was him again, plying his trade in the midst of the endless human traffic.
from the sound of his recorder, you could tell he was blowing very hard, so hard that i could hear very clearly, the creaking sounds made by air going through the gaps in the recorder.

so why was he blowing so hard, as though his life depended on it?

why do some people in another country fight for the release of their political leader?
why are these people fighting for a lost cause?
why do some children learn to read and write when such skills are probably useless in their country?
why are they putting in futile efforts?

what are they fighting for, why do they bother to struggle at all?
where do their passion and conviction originate from?

they believe that once they give their all, success would follow.
i've always admired people who give their 100% in everything they do.
because i cannot.

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finally!
but it was simply customary.
i shouldn't read too much into it.
afterall there are much more impt things for me to think about.