// searching for a solution //

i finally know what's wrong.
and there are just too many problems for me to rectify.
just listing down all of them would sap away all my energy.
do i even have any energy left to search for a solution?
or is the solution already there, just that I have failed to notice it?
i dunno, it seems like i'm looking for an antidote, but do not even know how it looks like in the first place.
i'll have to swallow a lot of poisons before i can find the antidote.
you tell me, it's there,
it's just there,
but i just cannot see it.
Haiz.

//quirky//

Finally, had some time to do mindless surfing.

Funny
http://campus.udayton.edu/~swe/funstuff.htm

Dilbert's salary theorem
http://www.engineeringhumor.com/Theorems.html

i particularly like this:
why was the free electron so sad?
because it had nothing to be positive about!

got logged out of STARS at the most crucial moment.
can't get a core module.
what is this!

// 365th post //

there's no particular reason for this post.
it's just that, i'm lost again.
Lost in thoughts, i mean.

Each time I whine about going back to school.
About doing projects.
About tutoring.
Or anything else.
I still have to continue to do so.

Suddenly, it seems as though there's no real meaning in life.
Everyone is stuck in this rat race, following the process of studying, graduating, working, marrying, child bearing, bringing up children, educating them, retiring, relaxing and finally, dying.
Years pass by without getting much notice.
People come in and out of your life without permanent stay.
It seems like a natural process.

The world is so huge and yet each individual is so insignificant.
Why are we so bothered by the rat race?
Afterall, everyone has to go through it, whether you emerge victorious or not, does it even matter?
I know I sound self-defeating, but really, does it matter?
So what if you are at the top of the world next?
The next moment, you could fall all the way to the bottom of the ladder.
Hence, I can't understand why people butter up their boss, backstab colleagues, become self-centred, display kiasuism...etc.
Perhaps, a moment of weakness? but something tells me it's more than that.

I don't know about others, but sometimes, at some moments, I get these crazy thoughts like,
what's my cousins doing in msia? my aunty probably out for a karaoke session, my uncle at mahjong and my cousins out on dates.
Also, I'll savour the memories of my past overseas trips.
I wonder if the friendly uncle in hokkaido is still selling the uber delicious curry omelette rice?
Wonder what's the temperature like at Mount Fuji?
Wonder how's the soft-spoken vietnamese tour guide is doing?
I would even go to the extent of imagining the scene of Beijing's Great Wall and Tiananmen, is it still as crowded?
Then, after which, I will feel incredulous that at this very moment, people are experiencing different weather, different living conditions, different incidents at different parts of the world.
Please don't tell me I'm going crazy =P

// with age, comes wisdom //

I know it's still early to add another number to my age.
But celebrating some friends' birthdays still makes me feel old.
Esp if it's a threesome celebration!


Looking at the souvenir of a minature Effiel Tower really makes me feel like touring Europe!
I wonder if there's any possibility at all for me to backpack to Europe!
Afterall, it's always said to be too expensive and dangerous.

But it would be a dream come true to visit ancient castles and a change in scenery from the concrete jungle here.

Anyway, I guess, spending a few months abroad has made some people more streetsmart and wiser.
In fact, not only those who went overseas, i feel, being thrust into the working world has made all of us wiser.



For me, the aftermath of internship is that I've learnt to appreciate people whose words and actions are from the heart.
I have always thought that all humans are superficial to a certain extent.
And have never ever reflected that upon myself.
But now, I realised that I do act superficially at times too.
How?
For example, not really paying attention to what others say and blindly agree.
Only safe guarding self interest such that it might neglect the interests of others.
Insisting that I could do without help on the pretext of not wanting to inconvenience others when I really do need some help.
Not clarifying doubts.
And the list goes on.
I truly think cowardice on my part is the main culprit.
I now feel the need to constantly remind myself to speak and act from the heart.
And always act in the best interests of others. which is known as emphathy.
And I've experienced the benefits of doing so.
Somehow, people will be more receptive of your ideas and of course, a better relationship between people will be formed.
The world would become a better place.

Clarke Quay.

Last week at MBS. Obsessed with the structure!

Evidence of poor photog skills...

// the online battle //

Even though there's still almost 2 months to start of year 4, the impending course registration has just thrown most students into a frenzy.
Heard from sources that it's nearly impossible to get all the modules of your choice.
At least that's what they say of yr 4 mse.
Unless, will the help of ultra fast clicking and lady luck.
I guess having a lightning computer speed would help too.
Especially major prescibed electives, most people will fight for the popular ones. (which I don't know what are those and couldn't care less)
Speaking of which, I still can't make a final decision yet.
Oh whatever, for the past 5 semesters no guy has ever made my heart thump harder than our dearest 'fastest finger first' system.
Or for that matter, sweaty palms and a sudden shoot up in temperature.
I daresay it's the most exciting event that happens in ntu every semester, with the exception of probably the youth olympics (which is exciting only cuz it's a once in a blue moon affair)
In fact I'm always more driven to get the modules that I want, rather than studying them during the semester.
The satisfaction that comes with securing a place in a module of your choice just falls short of getting an A grade.
No kidding.

// the only constant is change //

Less than 2 months to the start of senior year..oh no.
Having exposed to the industry for some months, my view has changed from being afraid to more certain and now, looking forward.
Yet, it's time to go back to school.
I'm not so looking forward to fyp, surely.
My fyp haven even started and I'm already dreading it.
I'm regretting taking this bio-related project, after understanding it further.
Haiz, double haiz, triple haiz.
Have I chose the wrong project?
Even if that is so, it's too late for regrets.
Yes, I'm whining again.

Though i did not have an easy time during my IA, but at least I was still interested the work I was doing, which is totally materials related.
Looking forward to preparing samples.
Learning from the technicians.
Using the equipment.
Putting in the samples.
Waiting for the results.
Small things that kept me happy.
And it was this interest that drove me on.

Now that I am told that the 'materials' related part for my project is shaved off by alot
and the bio component is the mainstay, I'm super duper unhappy about it.
Sigh.
Initially I wanted to try new things but looks like I am still more happy doing something familiar.
Maybe I should have chosen a project related to my IA project.

In addition, throughout 3 years I have never set a foot into the actual MSE labs.
And for fyp we're supposed to be stuck there almost every week.
ARGH

Furthermore, the thought of studying really frightens me.
I don't mind attending lectures, tutorials.
But mugging for CAs, exams, yet again.
Facing kiasu people again.
These thoughts seriously saddens me.

I really really really really really really hope I can get a psychology module.
To motivate me to continue schooling.