诚意回报真心、虚伪应对假意、
再贴切不过了。
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Struggling to keep head above waters
我只想一直继续奔跑，不被任何事或人阻挠，不用费心思考，就单纯的为自己奔跑。
Losing grip of things, losing track of changes, the line of sights to objectives have been blurred by too much negativity, suspicions and unease.
What is my aim?
Where is the focus?
I have subjected myself to be controlled by the environment.
Confused, even frightened, a whole range of mixed feelings had overtaken the common senses, so much so that many silly mistakes and oversights have been made and I have to pay for them.
Perhaps it's an instinct of humans, that too much of something will cause one to react in the opposite way.
I can't shed a tear or feel sad for something I ought to be.
I don't feel anxious by all the workload even though everyone said I am overloaded.
Numbed by too many mixed emotions, emptiness because changes and new info came in too quickly before the old ones are being entirely absorbed.
Sometimes, I wished I cannot feel and cannot think.
Maybe it's due to feeling too much and thinking too much, the opposite had resulted.
Entirely voided of emotions, logic and positivity...
Which nothing else can hurt.
Losing grip of things, losing track of changes, the line of sights to objectives have been blurred by too much negativity, suspicions and unease.
What is my aim?
Where is the focus?
I have subjected myself to be controlled by the environment.
Confused, even frightened, a whole range of mixed feelings had overtaken the common senses, so much so that many silly mistakes and oversights have been made and I have to pay for them.
Perhaps it's an instinct of humans, that too much of something will cause one to react in the opposite way.
I can't shed a tear or feel sad for something I ought to be.
I don't feel anxious by all the workload even though everyone said I am overloaded.
Numbed by too many mixed emotions, emptiness because changes and new info came in too quickly before the old ones are being entirely absorbed.
Sometimes, I wished I cannot feel and cannot think.
Maybe it's due to feeling too much and thinking too much, the opposite had resulted.
Entirely voided of emotions, logic and positivity...
Which nothing else can hurt.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
放下。
是忘了，没时间思考，还是无奈？
Sometimes I wonder if I am born with the mind of a rebel.
Sometimes I am just utterly disgusted by how societal norms have shaped people's minds.
Having money and status doesn't give one the right to control people.
Having beauty and brawn doesn't mean one is more attractive than the others.
What's even more frustrating is that people are conforming to these, fueling more cases of injustice.
If you think you can control people just because of your higher position, you are only half right.
Because those people who can be controlled by you are the fair-weathered bootlickers who can just as easily trounce on you when you are down one day.
If you think you can attract more people just because of better appearance, you are also only half right.
Because those who are attracted to you are superficial suitors who can change their hearts as easily because they only know love as deep as the skin is.
Self-proclaimed gurus who declare working towards a higher societal status and the perfect bod represents success in career and relationships are totally mind-boggling.
What comes first?
Success or happiness?
To paraphrase, is success an indicator of happiness or happiness is an indicator of how successful you are?
It is obviously the latter.
Much have been said about how wealthy people do not feel happy, the most wealthiest nation in the world is (surprising ly?) not the happiest.
Happiness, of course is related to contentment.
Why?
Simply because there are endless material pursuits and countless temptations in the modern world.
It all depends on how much you need to be contented.
And when is the day when you finally decided, I am thankful that I have all that I need, and do not have all that I don't need.
It all boils down to the individual.
Hence, happiness really, comes from within.
You don't need someone or something to feel happy.
Well, you might say that I am wrong.
After all, when I see that someone or when I lay my hands on something, I feel happy, ecstatic, euphoria.. whatever level of happiness that is.
But have you ever thought about how temporal the happiness was?
I used to feel happy seeing him/her.. now not so much.
I used to wear this pair of shoes everyday, until I got bored of it.
Probably sounds familiar.
Clearly, the happiness brought to you wasn't lasting.
It could be even worse, when you fail to get what you want, and it caused you misery instead.
True happiness, as what I have learned from my religion, isn't as fleeting as this.
True, eternal happiness is attainment of enlightenment.
However, attaining enlightenment is indeed very profound and difficult to understand.
Before I get to understand, I suppose, we should always try to find the source of happiness within ourselves, and from what we have, or had.
The sort of happiness that nobody can take it away from us and nothing can affect us.
是忘了，没时间思考，还是无奈？
Sometimes I wonder if I am born with the mind of a rebel.
Sometimes I am just utterly disgusted by how societal norms have shaped people's minds.
Having money and status doesn't give one the right to control people.
Having beauty and brawn doesn't mean one is more attractive than the others.
What's even more frustrating is that people are conforming to these, fueling more cases of injustice.
If you think you can control people just because of your higher position, you are only half right.
Because those people who can be controlled by you are the fair-weathered bootlickers who can just as easily trounce on you when you are down one day.
If you think you can attract more people just because of better appearance, you are also only half right.
Because those who are attracted to you are superficial suitors who can change their hearts as easily because they only know love as deep as the skin is.
Self-proclaimed gurus who declare working towards a higher societal status and the perfect bod represents success in career and relationships are totally mind-boggling.
What comes first?
Success or happiness?
To paraphrase, is success an indicator of happiness or happiness is an indicator of how successful you are?
It is obviously the latter.
Much have been said about how wealthy people do not feel happy, the most wealthiest nation in the world is (surprising ly?) not the happiest.
Happiness, of course is related to contentment.
Why?
Simply because there are endless material pursuits and countless temptations in the modern world.
It all depends on how much you need to be contented.
And when is the day when you finally decided, I am thankful that I have all that I need, and do not have all that I don't need.
It all boils down to the individual.
Hence, happiness really, comes from within.
You don't need someone or something to feel happy.
Well, you might say that I am wrong.
After all, when I see that someone or when I lay my hands on something, I feel happy, ecstatic, euphoria.. whatever level of happiness that is.
But have you ever thought about how temporal the happiness was?
I used to feel happy seeing him/her.. now not so much.
I used to wear this pair of shoes everyday, until I got bored of it.
Probably sounds familiar.
Clearly, the happiness brought to you wasn't lasting.
It could be even worse, when you fail to get what you want, and it caused you misery instead.
True happiness, as what I have learned from my religion, isn't as fleeting as this.
True, eternal happiness is attainment of enlightenment.
However, attaining enlightenment is indeed very profound and difficult to understand.
Before I get to understand, I suppose, we should always try to find the source of happiness within ourselves, and from what we have, or had.
The sort of happiness that nobody can take it away from us and nothing can affect us.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
It's when people are faced with danger then will they crave for the routine and mundane lives.
平安是一种看不见的幸福。
Just because it is intangible, many a times, we took its existence for granted.
An incident or two gives us a reminder.
Reminders come at a price.
Sometimes you lost something, gain something, sometimes you don't, sometimes you wished it didn't happen, sometimes you wished it wasn't you.
But it has happened and all you hoped for is the ultimate thing you want to hold on to, your dear life and health.
Things that you have once guarded securely, like wealth, love, career, recognition wasn't in your mind or prayers.
It feels good to be back to my routine and boring little existence.
你不会懂我
旅行的意义。
平安是一种看不见的幸福。
Just because it is intangible, many a times, we took its existence for granted.
An incident or two gives us a reminder.
Reminders come at a price.
Sometimes you lost something, gain something, sometimes you don't, sometimes you wished it didn't happen, sometimes you wished it wasn't you.
But it has happened and all you hoped for is the ultimate thing you want to hold on to, your dear life and health.
Things that you have once guarded securely, like wealth, love, career, recognition wasn't in your mind or prayers.
It feels good to be back to my routine and boring little existence.
你不会懂我
旅行的意义。
Monday, July 29, 2013
Have a little faith:)
I had always thought that I have a relatively good grasp of understanding human behaviour.
How naive I have been. My so-called good understanding might as well be limited to human beings who are 15 year olds and below.
For people after that age, my understanding of them is just an inverse exponential graph vs their age.
Especially after stepping into the working world, the biggest realisation is probably the fact that many things cannot be taken at face value.
Unknowingly, many people had signed up for a role in this stage, having to put on a mask or a show, for many reasons, mainly for personal interests.
Thankfully, all packages comes in good and bad forms.
The bad motivates us to be stronger and better at dealing with setbacks, a more compassionate heart, as well as reminds us not to become like them.
Needless to say, the good provides us comforting thoughts that there are like-minded comrades who works solely for the purpose of improvements and lends a hand to you when in need.
Not to mention that these are the trustworthy people whom you can divulge grievances as well as share new ideas and ask for opinions freely.
Soon it will be two years working as an engineer, it has widen my perspectives and allow me to gain much insights of the work.
Learning is a never ending journey, we are always learning to improve. Humankind is not as weak as I had thought, after all.
Everyone has the ability to bounce back, though resilience varies from person to person. Each individual's way of getting back to where they were before the setback is also different.
I always had this conflicting thought: What makes a good decision?
To raise an everyday example, while deciding what to eat for lunch, should we cave in to our cravings or choose something that is known to be good for the body?
Should we wear something according to our moods or don on something that is known to be acceptable for the particular occasion?
Should we study/find a course/job of our interest or to study/find a course/job that everyone else think would have more market value?
Should we voice out what we think is right or speak in the same voice as everybody else?
Congats to you if you do not have the same dilemma as me.
How lucky is that!
Most of the time, I am inclined towards the first reaction.
Block the external voices, disregard those absurd norms, dispel the societal myths.
Listen to your mind, your body, your inner voice for the answer to the most complex questions.
Stay true to yourself.
Follow the guidance from the religion to make the wise decision.
Have a little faith, 'cuz you live your own life, and nobody else's.
How naive I have been. My so-called good understanding might as well be limited to human beings who are 15 year olds and below.
For people after that age, my understanding of them is just an inverse exponential graph vs their age.
Especially after stepping into the working world, the biggest realisation is probably the fact that many things cannot be taken at face value.
Unknowingly, many people had signed up for a role in this stage, having to put on a mask or a show, for many reasons, mainly for personal interests.
Thankfully, all packages comes in good and bad forms.
The bad motivates us to be stronger and better at dealing with setbacks, a more compassionate heart, as well as reminds us not to become like them.
Needless to say, the good provides us comforting thoughts that there are like-minded comrades who works solely for the purpose of improvements and lends a hand to you when in need.
Not to mention that these are the trustworthy people whom you can divulge grievances as well as share new ideas and ask for opinions freely.
Soon it will be two years working as an engineer, it has widen my perspectives and allow me to gain much insights of the work.
Learning is a never ending journey, we are always learning to improve. Humankind is not as weak as I had thought, after all.
Everyone has the ability to bounce back, though resilience varies from person to person. Each individual's way of getting back to where they were before the setback is also different.
I always had this conflicting thought: What makes a good decision?
To raise an everyday example, while deciding what to eat for lunch, should we cave in to our cravings or choose something that is known to be good for the body?
Should we wear something according to our moods or don on something that is known to be acceptable for the particular occasion?
Should we study/find a course/job of our interest or to study/find a course/job that everyone else think would have more market value?
Should we voice out what we think is right or speak in the same voice as everybody else?
Congats to you if you do not have the same dilemma as me.
How lucky is that!
Most of the time, I am inclined towards the first reaction.
Block the external voices, disregard those absurd norms, dispel the societal myths.
Listen to your mind, your body, your inner voice for the answer to the most complex questions.
Stay true to yourself.
Follow the guidance from the religion to make the wise decision.
Have a little faith, 'cuz you live your own life, and nobody else's.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
平衡点
人如果能一直站在平衡点，就好。
快乐与悲伤各一半，
优点与缺点各一半，
删除过后，一切归零。
人生的喜努哀乐，都是因为失去了平衡。
原本快乐的人很难习惯悲伤。
找到快乐的人很难放弃悲伤。
如果找不到平衡只好学习习惯。
不管再怎么逃，天生还是人性，还是会沦陷。
因为不了解自己，才会一直被自己设下的圈套捆住。
经验是良师，时间是解药。
快乐与悲伤各一半，
优点与缺点各一半，
删除过后，一切归零。
人生的喜努哀乐，都是因为失去了平衡。
原本快乐的人很难习惯悲伤。
找到快乐的人很难放弃悲伤。
如果找不到平衡只好学习习惯。
不管再怎么逃，天生还是人性，还是会沦陷。
因为不了解自己，才会一直被自己设下的圈套捆住。
经验是良师，时间是解药。
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
rain rainy gloom gloomy weather
Rainy weather can be much appreciated, or not.
This whole weekend has been rainy.
Who doesn't welcome rainy weather in the morning?
It typically gives one a good excuse to hit the pillow again and sleep in.
However, when the day goes on and the rain shows no sign of stopping, it could be frustrating.
Furthermore, with Monday looming ahead, it seems like there is nothing but gloom in everything.
This maybe the reason why in countries with four seasons, winter is usually a season where people can fall into depression easily.
That's not to say winter or bad weather is not good though.
People need time to wallow in self-pity, need a reason to cry, to swallow the unjust, to vent the stress, to recover emotionally.
What needs to come, will come.
When it is over, people won't remember a single thing down the road and you can look back and laugh it off.
This whole weekend has been rainy.
Who doesn't welcome rainy weather in the morning?
It typically gives one a good excuse to hit the pillow again and sleep in.
However, when the day goes on and the rain shows no sign of stopping, it could be frustrating.
Furthermore, with Monday looming ahead, it seems like there is nothing but gloom in everything.
This maybe the reason why in countries with four seasons, winter is usually a season where people can fall into depression easily.
That's not to say winter or bad weather is not good though.
People need time to wallow in self-pity, need a reason to cry, to swallow the unjust, to vent the stress, to recover emotionally.
What needs to come, will come.
When it is over, people won't remember a single thing down the road and you can look back and laugh it off.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Cloudy and rainy
2013 looks to be a tough year ahead.
Felt like dying at the thought of all the action items on my list.
Not to mention the almost daily escalations.
Felt like escaping. again.
Even with people helping me out, I wonder how long I can last.
Often, I think of continuing to challenge my limits.
Yet sometimes, I simply feel like escaping.
The feeling of ambivalence is pulling me in opposite sides.
And I end up feeling exhausted and acheiving nothing.
The choice, ultimately, lies in myself.
Nobody is waiting for my decision, nobody is giving me a dateline.
But if I do not make a decision, I will forever be suffering in this state of ambivalence.
Gallup test says one of my strengths is deliberative.
Recently, it has become my weakness.
If I do not make up my mind, I will forever be stuck in the rut, never realising what I can actually do and what the future holds.
Another of my real weakness is a contributing factor too.
Sloth and unwillingnes to step out of my comfort zone.
All I need, to get out this cloudy state, is really plenty of courage, willpower and abit of impulse.
Empty promises made to avoid head-on clashes.
I feel so ashamed. This is so not right.
Today, I made a promise to myself.
I am so afraid it's gonna be an empty one too.
I really don't believe this. I can't even trust myself.
Felt like dying at the thought of all the action items on my list.
Not to mention the almost daily escalations.
Felt like escaping. again.
Even with people helping me out, I wonder how long I can last.
Often, I think of continuing to challenge my limits.
Yet sometimes, I simply feel like escaping.
The feeling of ambivalence is pulling me in opposite sides.
And I end up feeling exhausted and acheiving nothing.
The choice, ultimately, lies in myself.
Nobody is waiting for my decision, nobody is giving me a dateline.
But if I do not make a decision, I will forever be suffering in this state of ambivalence.
Gallup test says one of my strengths is deliberative.
Recently, it has become my weakness.
If I do not make up my mind, I will forever be stuck in the rut, never realising what I can actually do and what the future holds.
Another of my real weakness is a contributing factor too.
Sloth and unwillingnes to step out of my comfort zone.
All I need, to get out this cloudy state, is really plenty of courage, willpower and abit of impulse.
Empty promises made to avoid head-on clashes.
I feel so ashamed. This is so not right.
Today, I made a promise to myself.
I am so afraid it's gonna be an empty one too.
I really don't believe this. I can't even trust myself.
Of reflections and resolutions
I wonder is it age that's catching up.
I wonder if the thing I fear most is happening.
What I fear most, is losing the ability to anticipate the new year with child-like excitement.
Losing the ability to hope for the many happy things that will come in this new year, regardless of whether they would actually come true.
Transitioning into the new year this time round, was with mixed feelings, rather than excitement.
Perhaps, stepping into the real world and seeing people for who they are, how they behave, really has a more profound impact on me than what I expected.
Perhaps, I myself cannot reconcile with facts about human nature, the many faces they wear, the motives that lies behind their action...just to name a few.
The problem just lies deep within, suppressing the supposed feelings of joy and anticipation.
I am aware that there are ways to overcome it.
One of the ways can be summarized by "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil".
Observe less, listen less, talk less, analyse less.
Another way is to accept the evils and people for who they are.
After all, someone once told me that the world is made of good and bad, it needs to have this balance to function.
Either way is going to make me less of who I am, on the other hand, less of a troubling mind.
I can't convince myself at all.
2012 was quite eventful, especially in the second half.
Events and happenings are always a good way for me to gauge my own progess, whether I had learned or matured or remained stagnant in different aspects.
In life, there is no teacher, you have to manage your own life.
It's like I can almost see my own report card, ticks for things I had done right, or in a better way than previously, and crosses for things which I am still struggling with.
These reflections spurns off the following year's resolutions.
Setting new year resolutions also served to renew the new year spirits and signifies a brand new beginning.
1. Continue to strengthen faith and resolute in my religion.
2. Strive to be a better person (it will take pages to elaborate).
3. Make full use of everyday.
4. Stay healthy and happy and wish the same for everyone I know.
5. Be steadfast and more diligent.
The guiding principles for a fulfilling year ahead. Or so I hope.
I wonder if the thing I fear most is happening.
What I fear most, is losing the ability to anticipate the new year with child-like excitement.
Losing the ability to hope for the many happy things that will come in this new year, regardless of whether they would actually come true.
Transitioning into the new year this time round, was with mixed feelings, rather than excitement.
Perhaps, stepping into the real world and seeing people for who they are, how they behave, really has a more profound impact on me than what I expected.
Perhaps, I myself cannot reconcile with facts about human nature, the many faces they wear, the motives that lies behind their action...just to name a few.
The problem just lies deep within, suppressing the supposed feelings of joy and anticipation.
I am aware that there are ways to overcome it.
One of the ways can be summarized by "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil".
Observe less, listen less, talk less, analyse less.
Another way is to accept the evils and people for who they are.
After all, someone once told me that the world is made of good and bad, it needs to have this balance to function.
Either way is going to make me less of who I am, on the other hand, less of a troubling mind.
I can't convince myself at all.
2012 was quite eventful, especially in the second half.
Events and happenings are always a good way for me to gauge my own progess, whether I had learned or matured or remained stagnant in different aspects.
In life, there is no teacher, you have to manage your own life.
It's like I can almost see my own report card, ticks for things I had done right, or in a better way than previously, and crosses for things which I am still struggling with.
These reflections spurns off the following year's resolutions.
Setting new year resolutions also served to renew the new year spirits and signifies a brand new beginning.
1. Continue to strengthen faith and resolute in my religion.
2. Strive to be a better person (it will take pages to elaborate).
3. Make full use of everyday.
4. Stay healthy and happy and wish the same for everyone I know.
5. Be steadfast and more diligent.
The guiding principles for a fulfilling year ahead. Or so I hope.
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