//the world looks clearer//

didn't realised i have been living with astigmatism for so long.
everything looks sharper now haha.

// need some space //

sometimes i can't stand it anymore.
parental love and concern are supposed to be a good thing but i'm suffocating from an overdose.

why must my every word, every expression be scrutinised?
why must the culprit of my slight impatience and frustration be due to work?
why must i always clarify for the thousandth time that i did not have a 'rough' day at work?
why must i explain the reason, in addition to reporting whom i'm with for dinner? (old buddies don't need a reason to meet up, do they?)

i need to limit eating out because outside food are unhealthy.
i am not supposed to use my laptop inside the room due to 'radiation fears'

i get your point, but can't you see mine too?
can't you view the world in my perspective?
how can i keep in touch with my good friends if i don't meet them?
how can i concentrate on doing my stuff in the living room when the TV is on? (i'm seriously not trying to hide anything, whatever i'm doing on the Internet)

Every 'abnormal' move of mine yield some suspicions.
Every sneeze of mine confirm your suspicions that i'm down with flu.

Maybe in your eyes, I just so mentally immature and physically weak that my every action warrants your attention.

Ok, some people might think that I'm unfilial to think this way and also take my parents for granted.
So be it, I couldn't care less.

//a finding //

conclusion: working adults experience more serious monday blues than students, especially for those who just stepped into the working world.

as most students would have experienced by now, time often pass by faster when we are in the lab doing experiments than when we are in lecture theatres listening to some lecturer's boring drone.
same for work, time actually passes by quicker when there are countless things to handle or issues to look into than when things are going on smoothly as planned.
And, yes, all we people want is for time to pass by faster.
To be exact, the 'time' refers to the number of hours we are obligated to fulfil our responsibility as a student or as a worker.
Conversely, if the above-mentioned 'time' seems shorter, our free time or leisure time would seem to be longer.
Ultimately, it boils down to making the best of the situation.

Unfortunately, though, It's still hard to beat the blues.
I'm neither a workaholic nor a go-getter.
In fact, I like to slack...
in my free time, yes. Working hours, no, i don't.

Maybe I'm just too uptight.
Maybe I should relax a little.

Looking forward to a boring and uneventful week(s) ahead.
How long will it I last?
There must be something for me, isn't it?

//looking for love cuz it needs to look for you//

很多人都会问我想要找怎么样的男朋友。
要多高？要帅吗？要有钱吗？要运动型的吗？
要多话的吗？要会照顾人的吗？
我就会敷衍的回答：要特别的人。
其实，我的心里会在想：难道人，就只能归类于他的外表，他的性格吗？
假如我开出 XX, XX, XX 的条件，而你们，我亲爱的朋友，如果真的帮我找到一个俱备以上所有条件的人。。。难道就一定会在一起？
对我而言，那是不可能的。

可能我头脑简单，思想幼稚，
但我仍相信爱情是一种遇见，找不着，也安排不了。
其实我奢望的，并不是 XX, XX 又XX 的人，而是一段纯真的爱情。
会那么想，有可能是偶象剧看多了，被影响到。
有可能在现实中，根本没有这种东西。

所以，我所谓的特别，很难解释。。。
有可能那个人对别人来说是很普通，但在我眼中会是特别的。
如果我一直都碰不到这样的一个人，那我宁可谁都不要。

//emotions are just culprits//

getting all woke up and emotional over small little things isn't worth it.
i have a perfect example at home.
amicable atmosphere ruined, trust shattered.
i must treat it as a lesson learned.
much as i dun trust people easily, sometimes you just gotta give people benefit of the doubt.
especially if it's your own daughter who have never lied to you.
there is nothing at all that I can do if there's no trust..even after nearly 23 years.
in the past i might get emotionally charged too.
but after so many years, countless readings, i have sort of 'seen the light' and am now much more logical.
arguing with someone in the heat of the moment is such an idiotic thing to do.
i will never do such a thing, if ever.
the bomb will be exploded instead of being defused.
if emotions are the culprits, logic is akin to the prosecutor.

//release//

i think i'm a great pretender.
ok maybe not.
皮在笑，心在泣。

a sudden realisation that many things in this world is out of one's control.
i'm at a loss.
how should i behave and act in front of others?
it wasn't so complicated last time.

纯真。。。根本不存在现实里！
我好想躲进自己虚拟的世界里，永远都不想回到现实。
因为大人的世界原来那么可怕。

the wall between me and the outside world is getting thicker.
i don't want to get out.
just let me stay in my own world.
my innocent world.
i hate to be vulnerable to outer influences.

sometimes i just don't know why i'm fretting over minor things.
but these minor things make me cringe.
either i need to delete them from my memory or accept them as it is.

maybe i should try to accept people as they are.
i'm such a greenhorn, have never seen many different types of people.
once i accept this fact, maybe it wouldn't hurt that much,
maybe if i let go of those worthless principles.
i can start to breathe once more.

// A good start is half the battle won? //

Sometimes I question myself, is the path that i'm taking correct?
A good starting point?

I believe many fresh grads will ask themselves these same questions.

Some people do plan ahead about where they want to start learning, how they want to progress etc.

Not for me, I think I am just too lazy, taking whatever that comes.
What's the point of evaluating my decisions again?
What's the point of doubting when you are already 'in it'?

When life gives me lemons, I can only make lemonade.
But maybe other people would make lemon cakes, pies and more.