What is your problem?

I kept asking myself...
Losing interest in sch?
No friends?
Lousy teachers?
JC is not your cup of tea?
Or just plain stupid?


Silence...
Nothingness...
My words just fade into the background
No answer.
No echo.
This time round, silence is NOT golden.
Its due to a mixture of fear, intimidation, confusion.


So the career test did enlighten me, teething...
And i've decided to buy the straits times career guide to see what kind of occupation suits me
and whether i can make it
But i "you xin wu li"...
"li bu cong xin"
haiz~


Some more...
I began to fear the a-lvls
I realised.
From the 2nd intake last year till now...
I've never gotten even a B grade in ANY of my TESTs or EXAMs for ANY subject.
I've never been so DEAD before.
That time the Maths target setting form..
I still dare to put A for my a-lvls
well done...I
'm just waiting to meet my DOOM.


So what if I've dropped Econs?
Time and tide waits for no man.
Should not have taken right from the start.
Perhaps I have over-estimate my abilitiesIts too late.
Maybe if I had taken 3 subs right from the start, things may have been different.
Perhaps...


From primary schoolS...then secondary schoolS
NO teacher has ever need to tell me to buck up.
now...firstly, last year chio tells me that maybe i'm not putting in enough effort
How much is considered enough?
And also... maybe my method of studying is wrong.
maybe discussing qns with my classmates will help.
maybe I had needed time to adapt...


So...it has been like, a year.
Excuses made last year cannot be recycled this year.
They have exceeded their validity date.
This year ms goh ask me...why are you not getting an A?
I stunned...
I quickly replied that I have never even gotten a B.
An A grade to me is like..so far and yet so far..near infinity.
Stress mounting up high.
Push yourself hard, she says
I nodded.
You have to try to get close to A, then get A, so that u can know the feeling
I said, yes, I'll try.
But there is this significantly louder voice within me that says:
Are you sure you can do it?
The words kept whirling through my mind.
And all my past failures,
be it academic or everyday-related,
keeps reeling..
like films..
in my head.


Now I ask myself...I
s it a psychological barrier?
Or is it plain stupidness?

Silence repeats itself.



P.S. on a lighter note, I don't know how to tag mt's blog and teehting, please meet up with us to collect your prezzieS!