//my desk is on the verge of collapsing-thankfully my world is not//

well my ultra messy desk has a lot of junk- and just a handful of useful stuff.
most of my books are on the shelves so i'm wondering why is it collapsing.
a signal that i should clear up my junk?

anyhow, i've just realise that as we grow older the world seems to get messier.
just like my desk.
we accumulate more junk as we grow.
on the other hand, we acquire more knowledge and experience as we grow.
is that considered a good thing?
i dunno.
it just seems to me that the knowledge and experience that we supposedly gain are for practical purposes like living and working in the real world.
which simply helps to contribute to our already messed-up world.

perhaps i should take back my words.
from another perspective, the world never become messier.
it's just that as we grow older, we become more aware of things happening in our country and even at the other end of the world.

i doubt if anyone would get my drift cuz i'm not too sure myself.
just some impulsive thoughts.

just want to comment that as we grow older
many things become out-of-reach.
and impossible.

for example.
a naive seven-year-old tells you,
she wants to grow up to become a teacher.
Grown-ups: Wah good girl! To be a teacher is being a useful person!

when she's eight, she says
i want to be a doctor.
Grown-ups: Good! Doctors can earn a lot of money and save people.

when she's nine, she changes her mind yet again.
i want to fly in spaceships! i want to be an astronaut.
Grown-ups: Good! What an adventurous girl!

when she's ten, her fickle mind can't stop.
i want to be a lawyer! so cool man.
Grown-ups: Yea! just talk a few sentence and you'll earn loads of money.

when she's eleven, she thought over and over. thinking very hard.
she says, i dunno what i should be in the future.
but the job must

1. make a difference in someone else's life
2. allow me to have a sense of satisfaction
3.allow me to travel to other parts of the world

Grown-ups: Girl, stop daydreaming, there's no such perfect job. just be a teacher/doctor/lawyer. you can earn loads.

At twelve, she has no time to think of a new ambition.
she has to study for Please Stop Learning Everything.

when she's in secondary school, she stops her daydreams.
she studied. she ate books.(figuratively) she swallowed that irritating "Air-math" ten-year-series.
in fact.
she studied for the sake of studying.

in jc.
she realised she could never fulfil any of her ambitions.
because she didn't want to?
because she couldn't?
because she has finally gotten a glimpse of the rat race.
she couldn't forget how horrible it is.
how impossible it is to achieve her dreams.
how elitist the society is.
how you have to be the very best to get what you want.

in the end, she realised.
perhaps she should just lead a normal life.
hold a normal nine-to-five office bound job.
earn a healthy income.
forget her ambitions.
forget her dreams.

she has to be practical.
she has to be logical.

oh how she hates the word practical.

oh, by the way, if you haven't already guessed so, the once-naive seven-year-old is yours truly =)