//coffee can't keep me awake//

yea, i'm back to the blogosphere to rant again.
i have heard this many times, from different people or from different books and
it has haunt me over and over again.

an issue that never get resolve will keep resurfacing in your
life.

although i can never exactly pinpoint the root of my troubles, they have always dampen my spirits somehow, and instil doubts in my self-belief.
until someone pointed it out plainly and bluntly.
that i had led a life so wrong.
and the cause of my misery is myself.
i myself had unknowingly constructed invisible barriers around me.
until it affected my communication with others.
i can no longer relate effectively to others.

the words i originally wanted to speak, remained in my mind.
the thoughts i had in my mind, i couldn't find the words to express.
the emotions i truly felt, kept locked away in a chest without access.

to communicate with others saps away my energy,
so i constantly feel lethargic.
so much so that coffee can't keep me awake anymore.
to understand others is making my head burst.
my mind is so full of my own thoughts that it can't contain other things.
i can't comprehend other people and they can't understand me.

i can never ever break out of this situation.
because there is no antidote to this.