// what is happiness //

some lecturers are just not worth going to.
my rate of writing is just much slower than the rate of words coming out of lecturer's mouth.
i mean, if the terms the lecturer used are familiar and relatively simple to process,
i wouldn't need to think twice about its spelling and what he/she is trying to convey.
some lecturers are good even if they speak fast, in the sense that they speak in a way that is writer-friendly.
by which i mean that u could write down exactly the words they say and be able to process them in your brain at the same time.
other lecturers, well, they beat around the bush and you sort of need a much longer time to understand what they say before you put them into ur own words.
Also, it depends on the level of difficulty and number of jargons in a particular module.
Some modules, well, they just make no sense to me.
esp those which you need to construct images in your mind in order to understand.
well i'm bad at that.
esp if it's about electrons jumping and such.
it's torturous.

anyway, i'm really curious about some people.
those who excel in more than one field.
or i should say, those who changed their paths in drastic manner, e.g from science to business, from military to entertainment.
do they have the same passion for both fields?
well maybe some really do, and that's great.
but i often notice that some actually followed the first path, even though they did not like it, as long as it can be a stepping stone to achieve a final objective they want.
In a simpler example, studying science in A levels even though they are not in the least bit interested but they manage to do well enough to get into the course they really like (business or communication studies or drama studies)
Maybe they are really smart.
But what I admire them (cuz I could never do it) is that they could tolerate those years of doing sth they do not like at all.
And what's more, they excel in it.
If it were me, i wouldn't be able to tolerate it.

Even worse, some people go into a field becuz of money.
Like all the rage about accounting and finance...
I don't understand how these people can do something well without passion for it,
but passion for something it can brings - monetary rewards.
yes, i do not deny money can bring immense happiness through material gains like things you can buy with money.
there is a cliched saying that the happiness money can bring is temporary, which i would beg to differ, afterall, with technology and fashion trends changing as fast as the weather, as long as one has a constant supply of money, one's happiness can be permanent, (provided, of course one is also healthy)
but superficial, because that kind of happiness is derived from feeling superior to others because of something you have externally.

hence, in my opinion, the difference between doing sth with or without passion is the extent of happiness it can bring.
Passion would bring about happiness at a deeper level.
The kind of happiness that invigorates the spirit.
The kind of happiness that you derive from feeling superior to others because you know you have much more passion than them in every single second of the day, be it during studying or working.
This happiness is what I crave, or unfortunately lack of.

Though i wouldn't say that i have zero interest in my course, but i'm already questioning, exactly how much passion do I have?
Half-heartedness begets regrets, i feel.
If you go into a field where you do not have interest in, then what's the point?
On the other hand, it is not easy to find something that you are totally passionate about.