// the realisation //

there's something I've got to learn.
a habit to get rid of.
but isn't going to be easy.

recently people around me are either telling me straight to the face or hinting that i don't have a mind of my own.
yup, it's true.
for the past 21 years, I've always relied on people to make decisions for me.
my mum, for all the things I do at home.
my friends, for deciding on the things I do outside of home.
my colleagues, for deciding what I do at work.

I've been reading the horoscope lately, just for fun.
It says that the worst trait of mine is 'being too adaptable to others'.
Since when is being peace-loving a crime?
Most of the time I hope to reduce conflicts and arguments with the people I interact with, therefore I am agreeable with them.
Which means I don't insist my own stand.
From some perspective, it seems as though I don't have my own principles.
Actually I very much preferred to be called open-minded because I don't believe in one fixed answer or solution.
Everything contains some truth in it. Even the greatest lie or rumour.

But of course I don't insist that my 'agreeable-ness' is completely correct.
There are some occasions when it is neccessary to stand by one's view.
For someone who's so used to agreeing with others, it's no mean feat.

Still, I enjoy the freedom to explore my areas of interest.
But when there's too much of uncertainties, my insecure self manifest as a monster, as though I will get stressed out at any moment.
Building a report solely based on appendices is a challenge, but one which I would gladly take up.