// time for self-evaluation //



i remembered the last time i counted the number of weaknesses i have.

ten fingers were not enough.

in fact, i recalled counting until 60 plus.

some minor, some major.



unfortunately, the major weaknesses of mine re-surfaced again recently.

many people aim to become a better person, myself included.

but i really wonder whether it is out of my own control.

how do i eliminate my weaknesses or turn them into positive points?

or is it impossible, due to my own personality, beliefs and upbringing.



the horoscope says that Scorpios are natural speakers with a charisma that warrants others to listen to them.

in my case, it's totally off.

frankly, i don't aspire to be such a good speaker.

i just want to communicate with people as per normal people do.

such that others can understand what i mean and not read much into it.

however, this simple thing others can do easily does not comes naturally to me.

i can't convey my thoughts and meanings effectively. especially in the workplace.

maybe i'm just too cowed.



another thing is the lack of my own view.

i can't recall any incident of me disagreeing with my mum until last year.

being in a traditional family means that parents expect, or taught their children absolute obedience.

while my sister is not one who can be pushed around easily, i'm the one who always stick to my mum's decisions.

hence, this might be due my personality trait.

i have always thought that obeying parents is a good thing.

but now i realise it's one of the leading cause of my lack of own opinions.

or rather the lack of courage to speak up.

for every mistake i make, in her eyes, any form of explanation i provide is only an excuse.. a rebuttal lack of respect for elders.
therefore there is no point making myself clear.
there is no point grumbling because according to her, i'm always in the wrong.
there is no solace to be sought at home.