TGIF!
it isn't fun switching from waking up at 11 to waking up at 6.
the Zzz bug will leach on you for the whole day.
zombie-like by 3pm.
i am down with a syndome known as..
social awkwardness.
too many faces i can't capture their names.
many factors working against me.
all i can do is to perservere.
on a sidenote,
the world is evolving too fast, too furious.
manufacturing may be phased out earlier than predicted.
prospects ahead are diminishing.
sigh.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
//time flies but memories remain //
as convocation signals the end of student life, it's time for some sort of reflection.
some people say that the start of working life is considered the start of adult life.
it's time to come out of your parents' shadows, to create your own future and to lead independent lives.
but who's to say that student life is easy?
in fact, life as a student was full of ups and downs too.
perhaps, this is just as how life is supposed to unfold, one would face challenges of higher and higher difficulty.
overcome them, and you'll procced on, emerging stronger in mentality.
succumb to them, and you'll be stuck in a rut.
in primary school, i've always thought my teachers to be too strict and gave us too many homework.
Life, to me at that point in time, was bitter because I had to rush homework everyday.
in secondary school, life was tough too, due to the competitive nature of my classmates and the constant struggle to handle 8 subjects, not forgetting cca participation.
in jc, I thought, having many homework to complete was nothing compared to the bitterness of not performing up to standards.
So what if everyone else believed i had to potential to do well?
i never did well and never believed that i could.
Furthermore, having competitive classmates was nothing compared to having uncooperative project work mates who hated each other.
I never thought i would survive through A levels and pw but eventually i did.
in uni, initially when the yr 1 foundation modules consisted of virtually the whole A level syllabus and were being taught in 1 semester, i thought i would faint during the lectures.
But i survived.
in year 2, when there was the technical project and presentation in front of the tutorial class, i thought it was at least 10x worse than pw because we had much lesser time to prepare.
Thankfully it went well.
in year 3, i thought i could never stay employed in a company for more than a month because i would have gotten sick of working.
surprisingly, in 8 months, i did not detest the work engineers do and actually thought it was cool.
in year 4, i thought i wouldn't be able to manage the hectic normal lessons+fyp+tuition workload, as it meant having to stay back till late in the lab, not to mention the long travelling time i had to endure.
But i did manage to do it for a year.
But of course, all these wouldn't be possible without a supportive environment, as well as family and friends.
And, to get through tough circumstances, many a times I've relied on my religious faith.
I have always believed that our past experiences shape us, including our beliefs and thoughts.
Each and every challenge in life is an opportunity for us to change for the better and emerge stronger in our mentality.
Yes, it might be tough when you are confronted with a challenge or difficulty.
It might seems that the whole world is against you and as if the world crashed on you.
You'll feel the worst you've ever felt.
But if you never pick up the pieces or remove that roadblock on your path, you can never proceed on.
Once a difficulty has been overcomed, when you look back next time, you'll be smiling...thinking how ridiculously small the problem actually was.
as convocation signals the end of student life, it's time for some sort of reflection.
some people say that the start of working life is considered the start of adult life.
it's time to come out of your parents' shadows, to create your own future and to lead independent lives.
but who's to say that student life is easy?
in fact, life as a student was full of ups and downs too.
perhaps, this is just as how life is supposed to unfold, one would face challenges of higher and higher difficulty.
overcome them, and you'll procced on, emerging stronger in mentality.
succumb to them, and you'll be stuck in a rut.
in primary school, i've always thought my teachers to be too strict and gave us too many homework.
Life, to me at that point in time, was bitter because I had to rush homework everyday.
in secondary school, life was tough too, due to the competitive nature of my classmates and the constant struggle to handle 8 subjects, not forgetting cca participation.
in jc, I thought, having many homework to complete was nothing compared to the bitterness of not performing up to standards.
So what if everyone else believed i had to potential to do well?
i never did well and never believed that i could.
Furthermore, having competitive classmates was nothing compared to having uncooperative project work mates who hated each other.
I never thought i would survive through A levels and pw but eventually i did.
in uni, initially when the yr 1 foundation modules consisted of virtually the whole A level syllabus and were being taught in 1 semester, i thought i would faint during the lectures.
But i survived.
in year 2, when there was the technical project and presentation in front of the tutorial class, i thought it was at least 10x worse than pw because we had much lesser time to prepare.
Thankfully it went well.
in year 3, i thought i could never stay employed in a company for more than a month because i would have gotten sick of working.
surprisingly, in 8 months, i did not detest the work engineers do and actually thought it was cool.
in year 4, i thought i wouldn't be able to manage the hectic normal lessons+fyp+tuition workload, as it meant having to stay back till late in the lab, not to mention the long travelling time i had to endure.
But i did manage to do it for a year.
But of course, all these wouldn't be possible without a supportive environment, as well as family and friends.
And, to get through tough circumstances, many a times I've relied on my religious faith.
I have always believed that our past experiences shape us, including our beliefs and thoughts.
Each and every challenge in life is an opportunity for us to change for the better and emerge stronger in our mentality.
Yes, it might be tough when you are confronted with a challenge or difficulty.
It might seems that the whole world is against you and as if the world crashed on you.
You'll feel the worst you've ever felt.
But if you never pick up the pieces or remove that roadblock on your path, you can never proceed on.
Once a difficulty has been overcomed, when you look back next time, you'll be smiling...thinking how ridiculously small the problem actually was.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
//For a friend//
朋友之间的利用有底限，朋友互相的扶持无极限
there is only so much you can help someone,
the rest is up to them to figure it out.
unlike science or maths, there are many things in life with grey areas.
or should i say, in imbalance.
what is friendship?
the extent which you are willing to go for a friend and the extent your friend is willing to go for you, is definitely different in the eyes of both you and your friend.
some people befriend others with just a few words.
others do not consider you a friend unless you have been through much with them.
some people pay much consideration and tolerance towards their friends
while others go all out to take advantage of their friends.
sometimes, we ought to protect our own interest if the need arise.
it's better to say certain things outright than harbour unhappiness in your heart,
unless you can wholeheartedly accept them, but being human, it's difficult.
when the things that you do for a friend becomes a sword that cuts backwards,
you need to stop hurting yourself.
the stronger she is, the weaker you'll seem.
unless you have the strong mentality to counter it,
it's better to back off for the time being.
It's time to regain your confidence.
So that you will emerge stronger in your mindset.
Life is like a rat race; we all run in different paths.
if you happen to run in the same path as someone else,
treat it like a boardgame.
There is more than 1 way to win,
if you are willing, there can be no clash of interest
and nobody knows for sure who will win,
until the final piece is in place.
朋友之间的利用有底限，朋友互相的扶持无极限
there is only so much you can help someone,
the rest is up to them to figure it out.
unlike science or maths, there are many things in life with grey areas.
or should i say, in imbalance.
what is friendship?
the extent which you are willing to go for a friend and the extent your friend is willing to go for you, is definitely different in the eyes of both you and your friend.
some people befriend others with just a few words.
others do not consider you a friend unless you have been through much with them.
some people pay much consideration and tolerance towards their friends
while others go all out to take advantage of their friends.
sometimes, we ought to protect our own interest if the need arise.
it's better to say certain things outright than harbour unhappiness in your heart,
unless you can wholeheartedly accept them, but being human, it's difficult.
when the things that you do for a friend becomes a sword that cuts backwards,
you need to stop hurting yourself.
the stronger she is, the weaker you'll seem.
unless you have the strong mentality to counter it,
it's better to back off for the time being.
It's time to regain your confidence.
So that you will emerge stronger in your mindset.
Life is like a rat race; we all run in different paths.
if you happen to run in the same path as someone else,
treat it like a boardgame.
There is more than 1 way to win,
if you are willing, there can be no clash of interest
and nobody knows for sure who will win,
until the final piece is in place.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
//when simple wishes are hard to fulfil//
当梦想一次一次被打碎，希望一次一次破碎时，回头问自己到底在坚持什么。。。
Some people make the transition faster than others, some cautiously approach it.
Some people dive into it without thinking where the future lies for them, others tediously plan a long road only to find themselves losing track.
A career is for life, there may be trial and error, doors might shut you out but at the same time new doors may open unknowingly, I guess that's the beauty of it. Its unpredictable characteristic.
A company is basically an organization of people, the mystifying thing is that these people ought to have different skills or individual qualities that make each of them unique, yet it is required that they are able to work together peacefully and cooperatively.
The irony of things go further into the specifics.
An engineer is expected to follow all the rules and regulations, fulfil customer requirements and specifications, yet also able to think out of the box to resolve issues and problems in a simplest, most efficient manner.
Another irony?
A manager needs to ensure the lowest cost for the company and the highest value for the customer.
Having said all that, it seems work is all about overcoming challenges and pushing oneself further.
Job interviews are akin to the story of the blind describing an elephant by touching it, with the roles of the interviewer and interviewee being exchangeable.
you might just happen to touch the part that's pleasant (perhaps the flappy ears) or the part which is unpleasant (the sharp tusks).
Gut feeling plays a major role, even though we know how 'accurate' it usually is.
Anyway, leading the life of a 无业游民 was a welcome break from all the mugging that was done during the past 16 years.
Even though I cannot say that I was the most conscientious student but at the very least, it wasn't easy to go through the whole education process.
If given a choice, I would want to change some parts of 'history' to make it more ideal but i guess that's life, some things you can't just undo it with a wave of your wand.
Everyone has a vision of a perfect life, some people can easily achieve it, some just have to make more effort.
用别人的欢乐来娱乐自己，用虚拟的感动来安慰自己，茫然的问自己存在的意义。
Sigh. It's time to get out of this kind of life and pursue that unreachable vision.
当梦想一次一次被打碎，希望一次一次破碎时，回头问自己到底在坚持什么。。。
Some people make the transition faster than others, some cautiously approach it.
Some people dive into it without thinking where the future lies for them, others tediously plan a long road only to find themselves losing track.
A career is for life, there may be trial and error, doors might shut you out but at the same time new doors may open unknowingly, I guess that's the beauty of it. Its unpredictable characteristic.
A company is basically an organization of people, the mystifying thing is that these people ought to have different skills or individual qualities that make each of them unique, yet it is required that they are able to work together peacefully and cooperatively.
The irony of things go further into the specifics.
An engineer is expected to follow all the rules and regulations, fulfil customer requirements and specifications, yet also able to think out of the box to resolve issues and problems in a simplest, most efficient manner.
Another irony?
A manager needs to ensure the lowest cost for the company and the highest value for the customer.
Having said all that, it seems work is all about overcoming challenges and pushing oneself further.
Job interviews are akin to the story of the blind describing an elephant by touching it, with the roles of the interviewer and interviewee being exchangeable.
you might just happen to touch the part that's pleasant (perhaps the flappy ears) or the part which is unpleasant (the sharp tusks).
Gut feeling plays a major role, even though we know how 'accurate' it usually is.
Anyway, leading the life of a 无业游民 was a welcome break from all the mugging that was done during the past 16 years.
Even though I cannot say that I was the most conscientious student but at the very least, it wasn't easy to go through the whole education process.
If given a choice, I would want to change some parts of 'history' to make it more ideal but i guess that's life, some things you can't just undo it with a wave of your wand.
Everyone has a vision of a perfect life, some people can easily achieve it, some just have to make more effort.
用别人的欢乐来娱乐自己，用虚拟的感动来安慰自己，茫然的问自己存在的意义。
Sigh. It's time to get out of this kind of life and pursue that unreachable vision.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
// An end and a start //
Grad trip completed.
Degree completed!!!!!
Happy that I managed to get a decent grade for my fyp.
One year of toiling in the lab till late, frantic stringing of words into a presentable report, desperate attempts to make the presentation interesting did not go to waste.
I made it!
On the other hand, I did not do well for my psycho module.
As the module level became higher, my grade became lower.
I suppose that's expected since there would be stiffer competition from year 3 and 4 psych majors.
What to do, just got to comfort myself with that thought.
From the moment I decided to major in engineering I should have already given up thoughts of doing anything related to psychology or social sciences, for that matter.
It should just remain as an interest.
开始认清自己最糟的缺点。。就是逃避。
Grad trip completed.
Degree completed!!!!!
Happy that I managed to get a decent grade for my fyp.
One year of toiling in the lab till late, frantic stringing of words into a presentable report, desperate attempts to make the presentation interesting did not go to waste.
I made it!
On the other hand, I did not do well for my psycho module.
As the module level became higher, my grade became lower.
I suppose that's expected since there would be stiffer competition from year 3 and 4 psych majors.
What to do, just got to comfort myself with that thought.
From the moment I decided to major in engineering I should have already given up thoughts of doing anything related to psychology or social sciences, for that matter.
It should just remain as an interest.
开始认清自己最糟的缺点。。就是逃避。
Saturday, May 21, 2011
// last exam down. FINALLY! //
No, not totally relieved yet, there's still the FINAL presentation on Monday.
I still have to work hard for it cuz I'm just not a natural presenter.
Left with 2 days to prepare.
Hope everything goes ok!
Heard some coursemates saying they will miss the exam hall.
No, I definitely will not.
That place is just a place of horror to me, too glad to get out anytime.
I'm just crossing my fingers for no freak exam results!!
Anyway, just some random thoughts.
Even though I'd be glad to be free from the claws of examinations, it seems like many things would change after graduation.
As students, there'll be a second chance to recoup from the mistake, or at least, the price you need to pay for your mistakes is comparatively lesser.
In the real world, there seems to be no room for making mistakes or errors.
Every single error counts against you and probably will remain with you for life.
Even if you were simply careless or truly repentant, who will actually believe in you?
They would rather trust someone with no black mark in their record.
Maybe I'm just pessimistic but the real world seems to me to be that cruel.
Plus, ethics and morals in the real world is not black and white, but of shades of grey.
The instinct to survive can even erode moral values and ethics.
Even though I believe one should be true to himself/herself, make decisions with the fundamental guidelines and trust one's own instinct, such an approach might not work.
Being true to yourself could offend others unwittingly.
Basing decisions on fundamental moral considerations is probably naive.
One's instinct might not be trustworthy, what with all the 'external noises' that might disrupt or mislead one's thoughts.
Maybe it's not so complicated.
Maybe I worry too much.
No, not totally relieved yet, there's still the FINAL presentation on Monday.
I still have to work hard for it cuz I'm just not a natural presenter.
Left with 2 days to prepare.
Hope everything goes ok!
Heard some coursemates saying they will miss the exam hall.
No, I definitely will not.
That place is just a place of horror to me, too glad to get out anytime.
I'm just crossing my fingers for no freak exam results!!
Anyway, just some random thoughts.
Even though I'd be glad to be free from the claws of examinations, it seems like many things would change after graduation.
As students, there'll be a second chance to recoup from the mistake, or at least, the price you need to pay for your mistakes is comparatively lesser.
In the real world, there seems to be no room for making mistakes or errors.
Every single error counts against you and probably will remain with you for life.
Even if you were simply careless or truly repentant, who will actually believe in you?
They would rather trust someone with no black mark in their record.
Maybe I'm just pessimistic but the real world seems to me to be that cruel.
Plus, ethics and morals in the real world is not black and white, but of shades of grey.
The instinct to survive can even erode moral values and ethics.
Even though I believe one should be true to himself/herself, make decisions with the fundamental guidelines and trust one's own instinct, such an approach might not work.
Being true to yourself could offend others unwittingly.
Basing decisions on fundamental moral considerations is probably naive.
One's instinct might not be trustworthy, what with all the 'external noises' that might disrupt or mislead one's thoughts.
Maybe it's not so complicated.
Maybe I worry too much.
Monday, May 09, 2011
//restless//
catching the GE results has disrupted my sleep routine.
i am still fully awake, super restless, dying to slack but have to prepare my presentation slides for tmr's dry run.
haiz, maybe i shouldn't have requested for one.
the purpose is just to force myself to do up 80% of the slides so that I will not panic during the weekend after exams.
sigh, why must they put presentations after exams?
can't even breathe a sigh of relief after the exams.
having to do the slides during exam period is crazy.
and it provides me an excuse to slack because i'm right in front of the com.
the weather isn't helping.
argh.
catching the GE results has disrupted my sleep routine.
i am still fully awake, super restless, dying to slack but have to prepare my presentation slides for tmr's dry run.
haiz, maybe i shouldn't have requested for one.
the purpose is just to force myself to do up 80% of the slides so that I will not panic during the weekend after exams.
sigh, why must they put presentations after exams?
can't even breathe a sigh of relief after the exams.
having to do the slides during exam period is crazy.
and it provides me an excuse to slack because i'm right in front of the com.
the weather isn't helping.
argh.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
// some peace before the storm //
Some years ago, I always wondered why Singaporeans want to migrate to another country.
As I remember it, many of them would say life here is too stressful and fast-paced.
Well, at that time, the naive me didn't realise the reality of the situation.
Now, I can finally empathise with their feelings.
Education, which has occupied a large part of my life, is one area that sparked off this realisation.
Having spent years listening to teachers always struggling to 'catch up' with the syllabus, having been through countless cramming sessions (just to get those useless theories inside my head), it serves some sort of justification to those common complaints.
Why do kids hate exams so much?
Why do parents spend so much on getting the best tutor for their children?
At each stage of the education system, there is the most - feared national examination.
Some have liken it to a war.
Some have questioned the rationality of it.
Is it justified to judge the amount and depth of learning of a student simply by a one-off examination?
I can't help but think that those students who got eliminated in the process could have gotten a chance to proceed on if they had been given more liberty in terms of learning pace.
No doubt Singapore has to progress. Society and standard of living has to improve.
But if it's at the expense of the mental and psychological wellness of young students, I would think it's a high cost.
Anyway, the focus on academic success tend to overshadow other aspects, like moral ethics.
Students nowadays might be well-versed in many subjects, with credit going to the education system, but are their moral compasses pointing in the correct direction?
Maybe it's just me.
Sometimes I just feel everything is proceeding at a very fast pace.
There is no time to delve deeper into the stuff we learn, no time to reflect.
So many things to cope with, so little time.
This has inculcated a habit of 'just learn those that will be tested' such that some people who chose to learn more are at a disadvantage, especially if those who possess an average intelligence.
It just seems that only the more gifted can have the privilege to learn more than is required while those will average intelligence are expected to learn just what is required, especially if they want to get a decent grade.
Anyway, it is now the period before exams.
the peace before the storm.
the time when i cannot feel more relieved.
with fyp out of sight (for now), it's time to take things slow.
i've realised that learning at my own pace is the most enjoyable thing.
however, it's very much slower than the rate we are supposed to go.
hence, the inevitable last minute cramming just before the exams.
Some years ago, I always wondered why Singaporeans want to migrate to another country.
As I remember it, many of them would say life here is too stressful and fast-paced.
Well, at that time, the naive me didn't realise the reality of the situation.
Now, I can finally empathise with their feelings.
Education, which has occupied a large part of my life, is one area that sparked off this realisation.
Having spent years listening to teachers always struggling to 'catch up' with the syllabus, having been through countless cramming sessions (just to get those useless theories inside my head), it serves some sort of justification to those common complaints.
Why do kids hate exams so much?
Why do parents spend so much on getting the best tutor for their children?
At each stage of the education system, there is the most - feared national examination.
Some have liken it to a war.
Some have questioned the rationality of it.
Is it justified to judge the amount and depth of learning of a student simply by a one-off examination?
I can't help but think that those students who got eliminated in the process could have gotten a chance to proceed on if they had been given more liberty in terms of learning pace.
No doubt Singapore has to progress. Society and standard of living has to improve.
But if it's at the expense of the mental and psychological wellness of young students, I would think it's a high cost.
Anyway, the focus on academic success tend to overshadow other aspects, like moral ethics.
Students nowadays might be well-versed in many subjects, with credit going to the education system, but are their moral compasses pointing in the correct direction?
Maybe it's just me.
Sometimes I just feel everything is proceeding at a very fast pace.
There is no time to delve deeper into the stuff we learn, no time to reflect.
So many things to cope with, so little time.
This has inculcated a habit of 'just learn those that will be tested' such that some people who chose to learn more are at a disadvantage, especially if those who possess an average intelligence.
It just seems that only the more gifted can have the privilege to learn more than is required while those will average intelligence are expected to learn just what is required, especially if they want to get a decent grade.
Anyway, it is now the period before exams.
the peace before the storm.
the time when i cannot feel more relieved.
with fyp out of sight (for now), it's time to take things slow.
i've realised that learning at my own pace is the most enjoyable thing.
however, it's very much slower than the rate we are supposed to go.
hence, the inevitable last minute cramming just before the exams.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
// dream interpretation//
Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew or gnaw.
in this regard, teeth symbolizes power.
And the loss of teeth in your dream maybe from a sense of powerless.
Are you lacking power in current situation?
Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across.
You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard.
You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life.
This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
dreaming about falling teeth is a vivid nightmare.
ugly, yellow shrunken tooth falling out one-by-one.
you try to stop the rest from falling out but can't.
you can't control it.
you feel powerless.
Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew or gnaw.
in this regard, teeth symbolizes power.
And the loss of teeth in your dream maybe from a sense of powerless.
Are you lacking power in current situation?
Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across.
You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard.
You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life.
This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
dreaming about falling teeth is a vivid nightmare.
ugly, yellow shrunken tooth falling out one-by-one.
you try to stop the rest from falling out but can't.
you can't control it.
you feel powerless.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
//nothing's definite//
seems like i need to convince myself that each and every small step i take is towards clearing the mountain-high pile of work i've owed.
one step taken is one step forward.
not backward.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
// luck//
sometimes you feel lucky to get into a train just in time.
sometimes you feel unlucky cuz you just missed a train.
sometimes you feel heaven must be playing a joke on you when you did not miss any bus at all but still had to wait a long time for one.
sometimes you feel irritated when you were rushing home and yet someone had decided to block the right hand path (of the escalator)
but you'd definitely feel lucky that you were slowed down when lightning just struck 3 steps in front of you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
//getting over it//
avoidance is moving forward,
not backward.
i will do better next time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
// the truth//
sometimes, knowing the truth about yourself might not be the best thing.
esp if you can't cope with the truth.
knowing one's own strengths might lead one to be overconfident or arrogant.
knowing one's own weaknesses is detrimental to one's self-esteem.
perhaps i'm just not mature enough to handle it.
so much so that i have lost the ability to paint the facade of self-confidence,
that had once fooled many.
seems like i need to convince myself that each and every small step i take is towards clearing the mountain-high pile of work i've owed.
one step taken is one step forward.
not backward.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
// luck//
sometimes you feel lucky to get into a train just in time.
sometimes you feel unlucky cuz you just missed a train.
sometimes you feel heaven must be playing a joke on you when you did not miss any bus at all but still had to wait a long time for one.
sometimes you feel irritated when you were rushing home and yet someone had decided to block the right hand path (of the escalator)
but you'd definitely feel lucky that you were slowed down when lightning just struck 3 steps in front of you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
//getting over it//
avoidance is moving forward,
not backward.
i will do better next time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
// the truth//
sometimes, knowing the truth about yourself might not be the best thing.
esp if you can't cope with the truth.
knowing one's own strengths might lead one to be overconfident or arrogant.
knowing one's own weaknesses is detrimental to one's self-esteem.
perhaps i'm just not mature enough to handle it.
so much so that i have lost the ability to paint the facade of self-confidence,
that had once fooled many.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
everybody has been too kind to me. why do i feel that? have i been too unkind to myself? yet, i'm doubting their kindness because of doubts in myself. 我一直在问自己，我有那个能耐吗？ whatever the case, even though i lack intrinsic motivation, i'm going to draw strength externally, from their encouragement. i might fail myself but i cannot fail them. 无论结果，我不能辜负他们的期望，一定要努力到最后，最后。
//短暂的努力// I can't sustain my efforts to work hard! Sometimes I think nothing can save me alr. At this time, I ought to be thinking about where I want to go next. So my mentor ask, what's next after NTU? Truth be told, I'm not sure. I have alr postponed the decision for 6 years. Friends who went to poly have alr chosen their career path ages ago. Even those who went JC had an inkling of the ultimate goal they were working towards, sure, in the course of these 6 yrs, their goal might have changed. But at least they had one. Friends whom, like me, had no idea what they want, have now found their calling. I seemed to be the last person in the graduating batch who is still lost. Now that I realise it, I only have two options. Option 1: Keep applying for jobs of any nature, as long as they want my degree and I don't mind the job Option 2: Wait till after graduation, take a break to think of what's next. Of course, option 2 seems like ideal. Since a job/career is for life, it is a major decision that warrants serious consideration. But the disadv is that I might be stuck with nothing once the hiring period hits off-peak. Or even worse, I still cannot make up mind. Dear me, what shall I do. Now, I totally understand how one of my friend (who grad last yr) feels. And my escapism streak struck again. I understand the psychological theory behind it but I can't even cure myself. Such a lousy, ill-disciplined lazy bum, I am. Maybe I should see a shrink. Then, I keep thinking of my strengths... to be truthful to myself I have none. The things I like to do... imagining things, dreaming about crazy ideas, observing people, spewing sarcasm and blogging. It doesn't even fit any type of job. Sometimes, I dream too much. So much so that I've kind of lost touch with reality. I've lost common sense. I've lost the ability to listen to people. I've lost the trust in myself. I dunno what's my purpose in life. I'm hanging on because of family and friends. Never for myself. I'm driven by deadlines and routines. Not beacause of passion. And I think, that's pathetic, right? I dunno, the so-called interest that I have, did it come right from the heart, or i convinced myself that it is. It has been almost a year, and when I took out those stuff I wrote, I felt utterly useless. I have not changed a single bit. I had cleanly forgotten those advice. I have not taken a single action/step to change for the better. I'm still the lamb/ the rabbit/ the weakling. Waiting to be devoured by the fitter lot. I think, my life is in disarray. And I'm the one who caused it to become like that.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
It's soon gonna be over. Hope I can make it through!!! What with a million things to do. A zillion lectures and tutorials to catch up. I need some intrinsic motivation. It's the final turn. Do it or break it. Arghh I cannot afford to slack anymore, my classmates were appalled when I revealed the amount of lectures and tutorials I have to catch up. All thanks to fyp. Out of 5 modulus I have for examination this semester, there are already 2 which I have absolutely, 100% no idea what had been taught. Those two modules were practically 'non-existent' (at least in my mind) since the beginning of the semester as I had 'borrowed' the time to do my fyp. Now, it's payback time. Utterly bitter, gruelling payback time. 40 days to the ULTIMATE freedom. less than a month to start of exams. now, that's some form motivation or you might say...some reason for panic! =S
Friday, April 08, 2011
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
//solitary mutter//
at the end of the day, you realise that the only person on earth that can really help you is yourself.
yet, it is the most difficult task ever.
yes it sounds ironic.
after all, it is you who know your own limits, your preferences, your temperament.
It is precisely because of the fact it is only you who have a chance at solving the actual problem that it is difficult.
Especially if you are a weakling.
at the end of the day, you realise that the only person on earth that can really help you is yourself.
yet, it is the most difficult task ever.
yes it sounds ironic.
after all, it is you who know your own limits, your preferences, your temperament.
It is precisely because of the fact it is only you who have a chance at solving the actual problem that it is difficult.
Especially if you are a weakling.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)