// Day 2 (1/5/09) Tokyo Disneyland //

All set for Disneyland!

Our sumptious breakfast at this shop a few streets from our hotel.
Their beef is so soft and chewy but their salmon had uncountable number of tiny bones.

Japanese do eat very fast and we're the slowest among all the patrons.

the food vending machine!

it works just like a normal vending machine.

slot in your coins or notes,

press the button of the food you want.

get your change and your food voucher.

present it to the staff and

wait to be served =D

uni qlo - the new jap casual wear that is causing a wave in sg.

muji-to-go

Finally! our destination for today.

Tokyo Disneyland =D

Disney resort. wow. doesn't it looks like a castle?

i wonder how much is one balloon.

statue of walt disney and mickey mouse.

the background is disney castle!

firstly, we went to the haunted mansion.

the ride took us through the ghosts and ghouls

of the ancient victorian-style mansion.

alas, it was too dark to take any pics.

Next, we went on the "It's a small world" boat cuise.

It's the most harmless of all. haha.

then, it's to "Pooh's hunny hunt"

JAL starjets plane ride.

feel the cool air blowing through your hair =)

We also tried the go-karts, Buzz lightyear's busters.

This is the mini roller coaster which already had us screaming.

The afternoon disney parade! "Jubilation"

it's their special 20th anniversary parade,

we're so lucky to catch it!

can u guess who's who?

Next, microadventure!

It's a simulator cum 3D movie ride.

It's a good thing they have english translation.

To indulge in our fantasies,

we took the Snow White Adventures ride haha

My favourite,

Pirates of the Carribean!

we kept seeing wax models of Captain Jack Sparrow around

they looked sooo real!

unfortunately my camera went out of battery =(

As it was getting dark, we quickly got souvenirs

and rushed to see the "Dreamlights" parade.

Took me several shots to get the mickey clock =)

Tired, but truly happy!!
There was this man on our way back to our hotel

who actually asked Lynette,

Mickey mouse desu ka?
LOL.

// Day 1 (30/4) Tokyo//

We took a night plane to Tokyo Narita Airport and arrived bright and early in the morning!

Settled our Japan Railway (JR) pass, got our Suicas ( similar to our ez-link card), and boarded the Narita Express (Nex) to Ikebukuro to unload our luggage!

Just alighted from plane, we took ANA but not this cute panda plane!

The Narita Express train ( 1.5 hrs to Ikebukuro) and the Suica.

We passed by Tokyo Station!

After unloading, we made our way to Ueno Zoo.
On the way there, we had to ask for directions but the Japanese were really, really helpful.
One of them seek help from other people when he also didn't know where the place is.

Ueno Zoo – Main attractions: Giant Panda, Gorilla

kids with identical yellow bonnets

since the giant panda had died =(
we visited the gorillas- well-loved by Japanese, surprisingly.

Penguins- I believe they feel warm cuz we do, too!
I gauge the temperature then was about 24 degrees C.

Polar bear - it looked as though it must have felt the heat too.

No giant panda =( Take a picture with the fake one.
Shashin o onegaishimasu ka?
Please help us take a photo.

Next stop, Asakusa's sensoji temple and shopping street.

Food stalls galore.

Tasty takoyaki balls.

Souvenirs galore.

Kawaii stuff =)

Fish-shaped pancakes.

Transparent kitchen!

Their food models look so delicious, tempting you to go in.
Fortunately the real thing looks almost identical to the model =)

Next up, Ginza. It's the place where all the international brands can be found.
Things are branded, hence super duper expensive, like those in our Orchard Rd.

Back to Sunshine City Plaza Hotel, did u notice their lau pok tv set?
It's quite surprising, considering that this is the best of all the hotels we stayed.
Everything is nice, but why can they change their tv set? Haha not that we could understand their shows though.
Next time, I might post pictures of their toilet bowl. Or other hotels'.
All the toilet bowls come with control buttons to do things like warming up the seat, washing your bottom...etc. Hahahaha. We COULD'NT believe it =P

// back ! //

Finally completed a gruelling but enjoyable trip =)
Haha 10 days passed so fast but I'm just glad to be home.

We realised Japanese climb lots and lots of stairs.
Imagine carrying your luggage up the stairs...
Plus your shopping bags...

More to be updated cuz I'm still tired....

// holidays.vacation //

YAY! EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!
This marks the half time in varsity life haha.
Oops I'm still in applied chem/thermo mode.

Taking a plane later.
Everthing is going too fast. too furious.
I need to adjust my mind to post-exam happiness.

日本 - here i come!!!

// slack abit //

Finally finished my 3 vector calculus tutorials! (albeit with the help of solutions)
hahaha a sense of achievement cuz i didn't have time to do it during term.
PLEASE don't let me forget everything during exam!!!
I have a tendency to do that perhaps due to nerves or STM.
5 down, 2 more to go!
I hope my memory doesn't fail me!
Anyway for maths, there's still Laplace and Matrices to study.
Matrices should be Ok, if i remember correctly but er-hem Laplace is a tough one.
There's still tomorrow.
I hope I will be able to chiong finish all.

Played some memory game called Match It at viwawa.
It's a lame/dumb game but rather addictive.
Most of all, i hope can improve my memory errrrmm imperceptibly.

Feel somewhat high now..
Caffeine?
Unlikely.
I think it's cuz i have put my tutor responsibilities on hold...for 3 weeks.
Yay! A break from tutees who makes my blood boil everytime without fail.

// self-consolation vs. self-motivation//

totally bored with all the readings I have to do.
i regret so much taking so many modules.
yucks. ='(

sometimes i really think there is no use studying cuz it ain't going to
do any thing much to my GPA anyway.

i need to get out of this vicious cycle of hating what i'm doing.

think far.
look ahead.

// Boo.Yea//

I have been writing less and less because I've been pre-occupied with 2 major things.
Exams and Japan.
Exams gonna start on tuesday and I can't believe I'm still online wasting time.
Well, but that's me.
I hope i hope i can do better than previous semesters but don't think it's possible.
Everything becomes impossible when you're face to face with thermodynamics.
In every semester, there is always one module that is out to kill.
Furthermore, I regret taking so many modules.
Argh. I'm still on my psych project! due on monday.
Anyway, researching on psychology is the same as engineering.
That's one thing I've found out.
Popular search engines just like to throw out those results that are totally irrelevant to
your search, because they only look at the keywords you input.
As such the web they give probably only contains a small paragraph of what you need.
And they still place it at the top of the searches.
Hence, so much time is being wasted in sieveing the websites.
Sigh.
I hope some computer geek can invent a better search engine than
google or yahoo.

// starved.stuffed //

I think I'm a bit slow but anyway, recently I read 'Angels and Demons' by Dan Brown.
It's supposedly a prelude to the all famous 'Da Vinci Code',
and I hope it'll be made into movie too!

I shan't dwell on the religious aspect of it since I'm non-christian.
What really caught my interest was the way the book explains that
everything has an opposite.
For instance, in the scientific point of view, every matter has its equivalent of anti-matter.
The idea about anti-matter is so intriguing because it has properties that is the exact opposite
of matter.
In fact, once matter is in contact with anti-matter, they annihilate each other.
Since even air is matter, anti-matter has to be created and stored in vacuum.
Haha. ok, it is getting boring.

Anyway, i read this book some time ago, just that i was reminded of it today as
i was so starved that i stuffed myself.
To be fair, i didn't want to eat so much but food was especially easy to reach haha.
My bloated-ness was more than sufficient in eliminating my hunger though. lol.
I needed that energy to deal with an inquisitive P6 kid anyway so
in a sense it's justified? haha.

exams exams exams
the torture all over again.
fighting fighting fighting
the ends justify the process.
three mths of freedom comes with a hefty price.

//aimless and tired//

i always admire people who know what they want to do with their lives.
determination is a quality i've always lacked.

of course there is another type of people who do not question about their aim in life.
after all, ignorance is bliss.
if you do not question, you do not even think about it.

thinking too much...that's always more of a bane than boon.
why am i here?
how did i get here?
why do i have to continue what i'm doing?

Successful people always say everything that happens in their life has its own purpose.
that's easy for them to say as presumbly they are already successful and satisfied with their lives.
how about me?
I hate to think that but it's so true.
I'm just living my life for the sake of survival.
Studying, travelling, tutoring.
Satisfying?
Tiring.
I'm living from day to day like a rock.

// an unfortunate event //

I guess most people must have heard of the ntu stabbing incident.
Bad news spreads really fast.
Yesterday, I was at the library when I overheard some people talking about it.
The time was only less than 2 hrs after the incident took place.
Ironically, the news did not came from the students themselves,
but from their friend who was watching Channel NewsAsia.
Ok, haha i managed to overheard quite abit but they were talking so loudly,
I think everyone else present heard everything they were saying.
Soon, it was all over the web, in forums, msn.com etc.

Of course this sort of incident will invite a lot of speculations and theories.
However, since the student in question is already dead, it's nearly impossible to find out the truth.
It could be that the student was especially stressed due to the final year project.
It's also a possibility that he was depressed or agitated due to certain reasons.
Since I heard that the student was on scholarship and the professor has always had
good relationships with students, the cause of this incident is really full of doubts.
Could it be that the prof impose too much pressure on this top student?
Could it be that the student bore grudges toward the prof?
Anyway, I believe his move was pre-mediated, from the very fact that he had
a knife with him.

As of all suicide cases, there are some questions I want to ask.
Why hadn't anyone, friend or classmate notice the student's strange behaviours?
Did anyone know that he was stressed, or feeling emotional unstable?
Had we, in the pursuit of academic excellence, failed to show more concern to our
friends and people around us?
If only someone had realise this, he could have been talked out of doing such
a deed.
Conversely, he could have vent his anger and emotions in other ways than
choosing such a path.
His life could have been saved, and his parents, spared the agony.
The prof would not have been injured.

// midterm crisis //



After one week of break, it's back to school, back to midterm quizzes.

Midterm crisis, how apt.

Somehow, i just lack the motivation to study for the tests.

Some people say the weightage of midterm is very heavy, while others do not really care.

30-50%

I think it depends on how well u can perform for the exams.

haha in my opinion, if you can create a miracle in the exams, then midterm does not really

matter.

which i can never create.



Anyway, the break wasn't really a rest week for me .

Except for going to the travel fair and k-box, i was either having project meetings

or tutoring.

Yes. haha anyone keen on a free and easy trip to japan/hk?

// projects n projects //

i need an idiot's guide to working with strangers.

// some form of respite //

it's finally recess week!

as much as i hate this sem to end so soon (due to the thought of exams),
i can't help but look forward to the recess week.

yesss!

at least there's time for me to decide how i should spend my 3 mths break.

worrying! what should i do?

// killer psych //

i'm not actually talking about the psyche of a killer here
but the midterm paper I just sat for.

i guess it's a case of bad luck.
i didn't bother to read up on the history of industrial psychology.
so how on earth would i know it originated from which person's talk.
and which american university is the first to offer it.
1909.
it's like one century ago!
i hope not many people have studied that too.
or else...
i hate think to of the consequences.

before this, i was wondering what kind of questions can appear.
now i get the idea.
why are we tested on such ancient facts that we'll never be able to regurgitate
after memorising them for the midterm and exam?

there's so much to memorise and my memory is really limited.

// Happy Valentine's Day //

i vaguely remembered when i was in primary school,
i had not known about V-day.
after all, feb 14 is not a designated public/school holiday,
so i think nobody in primary school would know abt it.

subsequently, in sec sch, jc even now, in uni,
V-day is more than just between lovers.
It's a sort of friendship day where friends exchange gifts
and well-wishers.
i think the main reason is that singles can celebrate as well.

regrettably, i'm not the sort who would (or could) buy chocolates,
bake cookies, write notes to my friends during this day.
it's not that i don't appreciate my friends but i have never felt
compelled to do something for them on V-day.
To put it in another way, it's just like how some people don't really care
about chinese traditions so they do not really celebrate cny but they may
be one of those who party till late on 1st Jan.

I'm one of those who take V-day just as any other as opposed to two
other groups of people:
1. those in relationships- hence they
practically honour V-day and help the now ailing economy for one day.
2. those who hate V-day, thinking it's a some sort of commercial scam,
eg. only fools would pay $10 or higher for one pathetic stalk of rose.
only the retarded would pay $188 for a dinner for two which is
usually priced much lower.
I read Phin Wong's column in 'Today' yesterday and apparently he
belongs to the latter group. He tried to defend himself from being accused
to be un-romantic.
It really tickles. haha.

// to believe in what you do //

sometimes the truth really hurts.
the reality is harsh.
i mean, i think i'm too idealistic for my own good.

if i'm in primary or secondary school,
then yes, having idealistic thinking is considered
a good thing.
it can ignite your imagination.
but as i'm edging towards the working world,
having such impractical thinking is more
of a bane than boon.
i can't think of any examples since i'm not working yet.
but i think my concern is really justified.

even now, in lectures, we learnt that
theory is different from real situations.
in theory, for easy understanding,
we always assume, for eg,
a material to be pure and free of impurities.
a crystal to be free of imperfections.
heat loss/gain by a system to be negligible.
pressure/volume of an ideal gas to be constant.

assumptions after assumptions.
if only life is that easy.

that's why when i was studying for my exams in yr 1,
i kept hypothesizng the different ways the questions could
twist and turn to become more difficult.
actually i ended up scaring myself for nothing.
nowadays i realise questions are getting more generic.
of course some prof will try to throw us off the track by
setting those kind of high level questions
similar to those that i hypothesized.
haha.
don't think that i can answer those questions.
cuz i actually do not know the answer to
those questions that i thought of.

from what i heard, ntu engineering courses are 'reputed'
to be practical in training right?
from what i learn, it is rightly so.
yes i believe it's a good thing.
but practical situations are really scary to deal with.

anyway, sometimes i envy those who can afford
to dream, immerse in unlimited possibities
and you know, indulge in idealistic thinking.
like my P6 tutee.
she: teacher, i know what i want to be next time.
me: what do you want to be?
she: i want to be engineer!
me: (speechless and stunned)
she: (without noticing how stunned i was)
seems like very cool leh!
You know, I watch the nine o'clock show, "未来不是梦"
I want to be like the people in the show.
me: (recovered from shock)
I never watch the show. But those people wear
masks ah, gloves one leh!
she: ya! looks very cool!
me: really meh?
you know, actually i'm studying to
become an engineer next time.
she: (it's now her time to be shocked)
Really ah?!
me: (gloomily) ya. maybe next time you can go university to study engineering.
(not wanting to throw cold water on her
by saying how i'm struggling to study at the moment)


her innocent thinking inspires me.
ignorance is a blessing.

//random musings of a depressed slacker//

i'm slacking.
ok, i'm leaving all my tutorials till tml.
haiz.
hopefully i'll have time.

seems like next week i'll have to start studying for the mid-terms.
totally depressing.

today as i was tutoring, a sudden thought came to my mind.
always pushing yourself to do things that you do not want to do.
is that called life?
you do not have a choice.

therein lies the contradicting thought.
even if i have a choice,
i do not know what to do with my time, my life.
aimlessly following the crowd.

now, i don't even find slacking that appealing.
i need some laughter,
just as depressed people do.

// 石欣卉 & 黃靖倫 campus concert //

these two local singers came to ntu for a campus concert,
and yea, i went.

imagine how long all of us had to wait before we could get seated!

anyway, the atmosphere wasn't exactly the best,
especially our section, erm.. it's like we're having lecture. lol.

both of them sang three songs individually.
石欣卉 - 女皇驾到, 我知道我变漂亮了, 无能为力
黃靖倫 - 月光 ,傻里傻气, 缺席

then they had a 一眼瞬間 duet.

haha i was planning not to join in yelling 'encore' cuz it was rather late already.
but since their fan club members were there, i don't think they had a choice.

so their encore was a shortened version 你最珍貴, acapella style.

of course, they had great voices but still, rather boring.

// hrm //

HRM lessons always get me thinking about the stuff
I wanted to do but have never got round to get to it.
Perhaps due to a lack of courage, time, opportunity
or all the above factors combined.

our lecturer is a business women who set up her own
training consultancy company.
she's always giving us encouragement like,
it's a good time for you to explore what you like
so that you can make good choices in your career
and not waste time like me, who spent a good
number of years in SIA before knowing what I
want to do.

I guess what she meant is to grab every chance
possible to try out stuff so that we can all find
our area of niche and interest.
Apparently, according to her, everyone has a unique
value proposition.
(Oops, this sounds like we're some market product or whatsoever.)

anyway, i'm beginning to realise that the content of my
core subjects are rather dry.
things like electrons and calculus are things I can't relate to.
in contrast, hrm and psychology are much easier to understand.
one exception though, i think i can still live with thermodynamics.
lol.
maybe i've found what i want to do.
which is not i'm training in.

// hidden mask //



Sometimes, I feel I'm wearing a hidden mask.

I don't know how people see me.

But I always hope to appear cheerful and easygoing.

Cuz I don't wish to burden anyone else with my troubles and insecurities.



Being a human, of course, there must be an outlet for this release of frustrations.

That's when this blog come in handy.

However, there are still certain things I won't publish.

Everyone has, secrets of their own.

Please don't reveal them.

Cuz that's what makes us unique.







i didn't dare to close my eyes.

cuz i'm afraid that once I close them,

the tears i struggled to prevent it from falling

will be shed

i don't want to cry.

cuz i have no idea what i'm crying for.

// a pricey cny //


CNY - It comes with pleasant things like getting hong baos,
eating new year goodies, and wearing new clothes.

At the same time, CNY, somehow also causes undue stress to people,
due to the need to do spring cleaning, whip up a sumptuous reunion dinner,
decorate the house, entertain guests.

Furthermore, it's a time for people to meet up with their relatives,
whether familiar or rarely met ones.
Perhaps for people with social phobia (like me), it's a form of stress.

In this year of economic downturn, I guess the stress adds on.
From my understanding, Chinese people are a bunch who really cares
about their pride.
That's why CNY is a time for some to flaunt their wealth by wearing
expensive gold and diamond jewellery.

It's also a time to show people the size of your house,
the excellent results of your children,
the amount of your year end bonus,
the luxurious car you possess,
and the lavish food you feast on.

Families affected by the economic crisis will have to worry about what to
say when they meet their relatives and friends.

But I do not deny that CNY is definitely something
to look forward to every year.

A festive season -yes
but it comes with a price.

// what time is it? //

I just came back from my religion's coming-of-age ceremony for 21 year-olds.
One piece of guidance struck me the most.

" If your life is represented by one day, meaning that 12 midnight
represents the time you are born and 12 noon is equal to forty
years of age, then, 21 year old means that the time is 6:15am.
It is the time, early in the morning when people just woke up.
A day just started."

Somehow, this makes me feel happy going on to 21 (even though there's still like 10 mths to my real 21st)

At same time, I am afraid that I will lose the ability to appreciate the little things in life
as I grow older.
Losing the sight of the beauty of life.
It's a terrible thing.

You'll think the whole world is against you and why your life is so hard.
You'll think you have given enough but not receiving the same.
You'll grumble about every single bad thing that happens to you,
no matter how minor.

While others saw a glass of half-filled water, you saw a half-emptied one.
When others saw clear blue skies, you said the sky is so bare.
Where others saw beauty, you saw nothing but ugliness.

You forgot how to give way to people, to tolerate others.
Just because you have more life experiences,
you are always right.
Sometimes, I feel older people like my mum falls prey to this kind of thinking.

I also went to IMH today.

At first, I was rather afraid of the patients there.
Before we stepped into the women's ward, when the nurse was explaining certain things to us,
I could see some of their faces through the transparent door.
A few were poking noses at the door, their hands in a "let me out!" position.
Hence they look quite intimidating.
However, after we entered the ward, I felt much better as many of them
were rather friendly and extended their hands to wish us Happy New Year.
One women was shouting "Party" because they were supposed to have a party tml.
Perhaps she thought the party came earlier.
Anyway, some were watching TV while the others sat around.
I did not really know how to communicate with them
But I was glad that there was totally no sense of dread, unhappiness or despair
in the room.
All of them were engaged in some activity or another hence the room was buzzing with noise.

But, how different are they from prison immates?
Of course they have nurses and psychiatrist to take care of their health.
Volunteers to shower them with care and concern.
But, they are part of the forgotten.
Forgotten by society.
Forgotten by their family and relatives.
Their perception of the world is only as big as IMH.
Even sadder, some might just commit suicide after hearing voices in their heads.
I wish I can do something for them, no matter how small.

We are really fortunate.

// thermodynamics //

the theory:

total entropy of the system and surrounding always increase.

how my prof explained it:

Let's say your room is initially very neat, everything is in order.
As days passed, it becomes messier, resulting in a disordered state.
This does not require any energy.
However, to make your room neat again, energy is required.
Anyway, as your room becomes messier and messier and messier, day by day.
One day, you cannot even tell the difference of the state of your room as compared
to yesterday.
Equilibrium state is reached.

All this while, I was imagining the state of my room.
lol.
imagine! you can't even tell how messy is your room
and that is called equilibrium state!

// singlish talking to english //

recently I noticed quite a number of angmohs in school.
I guessed they are exchange students from other countries.
So today, as I was in the queue for the veg stall,
the girl in front of me turned around and that was when I realised
she is one of those caucasians.
"Do you know what is the weekly special, 'Kway Chap'?" she said,
pointing to the menu signboard.
erm the way she prounced chap...well.. as in "What a nice chap!".
lol.
apparently she was taller than me, so I had to strain my neck to see
what it was.
"Oh! 'Kway Zaap'! That is pig's organs, like intestines.."
I thought I saw her turn a tad paler.
"But it's fake right?"
"Ya!"
"Is it made of tofu..and stuff?"
"Ya...I think it's made of tofu and...er what is that.. flour!"
"Thanks."
Haha. In the end, she didn't try that.
I think she opted for something more common.

// I don't want to be inFLUenced //

a random day, what can i say?

the flu-struck me initially decided to skip school.
but to do make up for lab would be too troublesome.
besides, my psych tutorial will be dividing into project groups.
hence it's a bad day to miss school.

anyway.
met a would-be intellectual tai-tai with her epiphanies.
quote: Not believing is a belief, It's a belief not believing.
lol.
interesting.

well, my psych group mates of course, expectantly, knew each other.
felt a bit out-casted cuz the everyone present is a psych major (either yr 2 or 3)
after careful evaluation, I had appealed for this mod cuz it:
1. Fits well in my timetable.
2. Seems interesting compared to the rest.
(its about job analysis and personnel assesment..HR stuff)
would it be stupid to drop this mod?
I dunno.
other than the fact that my goup members and I seem not be able to get along,
I am rather worried about how the exam format is like.
almost certainly, psych majors taking this mod have an advantage over the minority like me, who plans to take a minor.

in fact, I was too engrossed in making a decision that I actually
forgot to visit the clinic at ntu after class.


decision to be made by : 18th jan

// a reason to cheer! //

my sis got an A1 for chinese o level.
which means she can continue to take higher chinese.

my appeal for a psych module is successful!

//muttering to myself//

seems hard to get psych subjects.
that doesn't clash with my core.
haiz. dropped HP329.
hopes of getting HP314B is really really low.
anyway i wouldn't want to get caught in doing a boring psych module about asian psych..
all those mini projects and reports will definitely get me down.
no way.
wait for next sem?

// reverberating promises //

Perhaps it's the start of the year, that's why the words of my resolutions kept spinning in my mind.
I'm reminded of them every now and then.

Anyway, had a good badminton session today.
At least I still remembered how to serve and return the shuttlecock nicely.
Reminiscing about secondary school days makes me feel old.
Although I only shared half their memories.
It still feels I'm part of it.
Even though I may not play an important role in their lives.
I can still feel their longing for those good old days.

Sometimes, I wonder.
Of my friends.
Of my acquaintances.
Of the people whom I met once or twice.
Has my presence ever impact on their lives?
Or should I put it this way.
Have I ever made a positive impact on the lives of other people?

Afterall, most of the times, I have only appear in their lives once or twice.
At the most, a few years.
Even with those I have known for a number of years,
it doesn't matter if I am present.
Easily replaced.

Sad to say.
Causing zero impact makes me feels like not living for the past twenty years.
What have I been doing?
Except for worrying and taking care of myself.
And polishing off the world's resources.
The times to be self-centred has passed.
It's time to shower concern on other people.

Make an impact.
Initiate a change.

Meanwhile, I'm will also try to make positive changes to my GPA.

// have faith, be resolute //

What makes people:

Excited for the last hour.
Cheer till the last minute.
Count down to the last second.
So you've guessed it!
Happy 2009!

To welcome the new year,
perhaps it's best to set personal resolutions.
For those of you who do set resolutions,
why did you choose to do so?

For me, at least, it is to welcome the new year with refreshed hopes and courage.
Resolutions are a way for me to challenge myself and to prove to myself that I have not spent the year in vain.
So what if I might try to carry them out for the first few months of the year and cleanly forgotten about them in the months that follow?
At least I had tried and also welcomed the new year in high spirits.
That's what matters to me, ultimately.

Over the previous years, I had set many resolutions which I have failed or at most fulfilled 50% of them.
And I think I have learnt an important lesson from it.
Resolutions which I have failed in carrying out are usually those which are beyond me.
What I mean, resolutions should be set to improve oneself, and not changing oneself.
I have always been a supporter of being true to oneself (looks familiar? =D)
and will keep doing so.
What sets each and every one of us apart really interests me.

The timid and the bold.
The saint and the criminal.
The rebellious and the obedient.
The stubborn and the submissive.
The extroverted and the introverted.
The healthy and the physically disabled.
The attention-seeking and the quiet.
The trendsetter and the follower.
The arrogant and the humble.
The normal and the weird.

As we label people accordingly, or should I simply say stereotype people,
perhaps we should be mindful that majority of the people falls within the range in-between.
For instance, one can appear timid under certain circumstances and appear courageous in other situations.
Whatever the case, I feel it is rather impossible to change a person's character thoroughly and there is no point in doing so unless he/she is causing harm to others in the society.
Therefore, I have learnt that we should seek to improve, and not change our original self.

Oh ya, I shall not sidetrack and proceed with writing my resolutions.
i
1. To be able to have the good fortune of attending the Tozan Pilgrimage to Head Temple in Japan by being able to overcome any obstacles that might arise.
2. Continued faith and increase buddhist knowledge.
3. To be able to be more tolerant and considerate towards my family.
4. To deepen my friendships. (by not pangseh-ing people, for a start =X)
5. Continue to strive for better results, despite whatever disappointments there might be.
6. To set aside time for exercise and fight off temptations of junk food.
7. To commit in volunteering at IMH.
8. To help my tutees achieve their fullest potential. ( Scold if need arise, give credit when its due)
9. Allocate time to pursue my interests in psychology, music and japanese language.

Last but not least, I hope everyone around me can enjoy good health and happiness for the rest of the year!

If I were to be able to fulfil each and every single of my resolutions, I could be place right at the top of Maslow's heirachy.
But nah, I know that's impossible.
But hopes are enough to keep people alive. =)

// what do you believe in? //



Since young, I have always believed that whatever that happens is a result of our own actions.

In other words, our destiny is in our own hands.

However, as I grew older, I realised that the world is not so simple.

People's mentality change as they age.

Things which will happen happens and there's no control over it.

The mistakes we made will make us look back and realise the causes and how we could have prevented it but there's no way you could have known it beforehand.

So? is this called destiny?

Many encouraging phrases by famous philosophers, theologians, ex-world leaders, ex-US presidents...people who supposedly have weathered turmoils and turbulents.
"Failure is the mother of success"
"The process is more important than the result"
and so on. which I cannot think of at the moment.

If you win, you win. Could it be due to luck and destiny?
You lose, you lose. if you keep losing, it is wise that you accept that your are born loser.
Everyone knows to win is better than to lose.
But why are some people trying to prove the contradictory I have no idea.

Being sceptical, I cannot help but think they are simply phrases of self-consolation.

//back from kenshu//

I'm finally back to my comfortable home after spending 3 days at my religion's student camp.
BAck to water heater, laptop and TV!

Oh and, just in time to check out my results.

I hate getting Cs!
REally.
I wonder if the day of not seeing any C in my results slips will ever come?

At the same time, I'm rather happy to get a A- for intro to psychology!
yea! =)
hmm..makes me wonder if i should take up a minor.
Just for interests' sake ?
But my core mods will surely suffer. maybe a couple more Cs next time.
OK I JUST HATE Cs.
Super frustrated cuz the subject I spent the MOST time on reaped a Ccccccc.
=(
Like I think I have blogged last time, I should have remembered to bring a watch to that killer exam!
Full of regrets now =(
Or else I could have gotten at least a B-?



Goal for next sem: To achieve grades higher than C for all the mods.

-YONG JA- GO- YONG GAN de NINJA!-
(my kenshu group)

// out and out //

Last week, I was kept busy slacking at home.

The following pic explains it.

The best thing was that I got to meet up with christy for a long-awaited sushi feast.

Bonus: Bolt

Was debating between watching bolt and 4christmases.

The bottomline: Pigeons are dumb. Don't be too naive.

Haha!

Eat like there's endless food.

Chat like there's no tomorrow =)

This week, it was rather fun as I visited new places.

-Sunday-

It's to explore quaint, suburban town of Yew Tee.

Hmm...I wonder why, but I developed a fondness for that place even though I have never really step foot on that place.

Usually I will need to travel past the mrt station to get to school.

I think it's rather special because it's a relatively quiet place linking between the rowdy Kranji race course and the equally crowded Chua Chu Kang.

And on sunday, I finally got to visit the Yew Tee central, which is nothing like a shopping centre.

But I've got to say, the chicken cutlet noodles from the food court's taiwan stall IS serioously delicious.

I mean.. yes the cutlet is crispy, but the noodles are superb.

I have never eaten such 'QQ' noodles, so full of bite and succulent.

It's a hidden treasure I managed to uncover. lol. =D

Anyway, I was thrown off the track by the thought of those noodles.

And not to mention, I especially like the view from weiqi's 16th storey unit!

Everything on the ground, every building faraway seems so minute.

I had a sudden feeling as though I was living in the clouds.

Ok, perhaps just a hallucination.lol.

And, haha, I couldn't believe it, I tried chiku for the first time.

I mean, I have heard about the fruit, maybe more than 10 times.

I remember, in primary school, the science questions sometimes involved classifying chiku in a Venn diagram or something like that.

And, when people want to name fruits after alphabets, they'll go..

A is for Apple.

B is for Bananas.

C is for Chikus....

Don't they?

They tasted quite nice and I couldn't believe my ears when meiting said there were chiku trees growing in aj and she used them in elementz lab last time.

Haha. I am such a frog in the well.

I checked with my mum and she certified that she have never bought them before.

I asked why?

"Last time in kampong, we used to eat alot of chikus and it was free, fresh from the trees. I see no reason to pay for it now. anyway, it's rather hard to find in supermarts"

What a reason.

Mystery solved.

Oh ya, I never read chinese books unless I'm required to.

But the book by Jimmy is really nice.

I feel like re-reading it.

Thanks, wq =)

-Monday-

It's the once-in-a-school-break ktv session with lynette, christabel and rou hua.

It's also the first time I heard someone I know (rh) singing jap songs.

Hmm..so pro =)

Lynette just came back from Taiwan and Christabel is going Korea.

It's like everyone's going overseas.
Hmm...rather envious because I have never been to those two countries before.

Out of nowhere, I formed some warped theory. lol

My (warped) theory:

If you have never been to a country and you heard your friends talking about going to that particular country.

Level of envy: 90%

If you have been to a country and enjoy being there, and you heard your friends talking about going to that particular country.

Level of envy: 70%

If you have been to a country and did not really enjoy being there, and you heard your friends talking about going to that particular country.
Level of envy: 10%

-Tuesday-

Went to the library to get some books.

I managed to borrow Neil Humphreys' Final notes from an island, and the latest CSI book.

And several Ian Rankin's mysteries.

-Wednesday-

It's another rare meet-up with my xinmin friends.

I finally had a chance to eat Ajisen Ramen for the first time.

The waitress at the square2 branch was especially helpful and nice.

She even offered us iced water when she noticed we finished our iced tea.

We also bought a small but pretty bouquet of roses for suyee.

The shop owner was especially kind to explain to us each kind of flower he used.

Baby's Breath- I finally know what it's called!

Went for suyee's chinese orchestra at nyp.

The conductor is so charming! omigosh.

He even interact with the audience by asking us to clap or say 'ee-haw' whenever he points his baton at us during the song.

I especially enjoyed the Beatles's medley. and the 'ju hua tai' too!

All those never-die classics.

A 'western styled' chinese orchestra,

that's what I can say.

-Thursday-

It's the MSE gang's one-day trip to Malaysia.

Of course when we're there, we have to take advantage of the low exchange rate and go for anything that is cheaper than in Singapore.

It's the first time I watched a RM6 movie. It's sooo cheap i can't believe it.

However, the screen turned blur at several instances.

And there were only chinese and malay subtitles.

Luckily I could understand Jim Carrey.

Anyway, It's so comical that I was laughing until I was tearing.

Jim Carrey IS fantastic.

BE A YES MAN. lol.

Then, we went to the Ktv, which was more roomy than Singapore.

In fact, I think it's because Malaysia has much more land than Singapore, that's why I find

everything there is larger than Singapore, take shopping centres as a common example.

To top it off, we ended the trip by going for zhi-char style food.

I tried the fried cereal crayfish..weird combi but tasty nontheless.
I think their stir-fried baby kailan is fresher than what you can find in Singapore.

After being to Malaysia so many times, I seriously think their veggies are fresher and tastier than Singapore's.

If Singaporean kids do not like veggies, who knows? trying them in Malaysia might just change their mind about greens.

Yea. I bought scones and egg tarts from 'Season' too.

A must-buy!

-Friday-

Paid S$6 to find out the hype about Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series.

Sometimes, it's good to be a student.

You can just flash your ez-link card to be entitled to many discounts.

Haha. The econs term is 'price discrimination'.

Anyway, next time when I graduate... everything and everywhere will be adult-priced

and the best (and cheapest) entertainment is probably renting dvds to watch at home.

Oops..i sound like NO MAN.lol.

Okay, back to Twilight.

Even though I have never read the book before, I had this feeling that the book would be much more interesting than the movie.

Ya, a bit disappointing.

I think it's rather bland and unconvincing.

However, I must say that it won't be easy to convert such books on supernatural beings into a movie. The director probably had a headache trying to find a cast of convincing vampires.lol.

Oh well, I don't even know if I would watch the second instalment of the series when it comes out.

-Saturday-

I was late for the baking session with debbie and hui ling.

When I reached deb's place, she was squeezing some coffee cream mixture onto some buns while hl was rolling some dough.

Haha. Truth be told, it was the first time I went anywhere near the oven.

Deb is so pro and skilful with the dough whereas hl and I were struggling.haha.made some really awful ones.

Anyway, Deb encouraged us and we made some nice ones. Nice ones that can be showed at the party.

Deb's mum came into the kitchen and asked us what was that (the awful-looking ones).

hl and I was, like, hmm..those are our 'creations'. I guess those were really beyond recognition =X

Haha. In the end, hl and I took our 'creations' home. 'Creations' that I'll rather not be proud of.

Aiya, too bad hl couldn't make it for the gathering due to a wedding dinner...but haha we know that she'll probably meet sy in korea.

And, yes, hl is going to korea with christabel and a few other uni friends.

Haha. Singapore is indeed very small. Two of my friends who didn't know each other earlier on ended up in the same course.

Anyway, I was late for the gathering as I had to go home to shower and change.

Mel said something like, my presence is a once-in-a-year phenomena.

Come to think of it, it was rather true.

Anyway, it would suffice for me.

I was expecting a buffet-style dinner, so you can imagine my surprise when I saw my ex-classmates seated in a restaurant style.

But it was rather nice, I might as well describe it as alfreso-dining style.

Complete with candles, nice music and elegant ambience.

In fact, jiayi's place is really elegant and nice.

No doubt it was not easy organising a pot-luck party and I thought jiayi and suelynn did a nice job =)

Then we had to wait for andee for the gift exchange...and he appeared rather late =(

I think those of us taking public transport were at the risk of missing our last buses and trains.

Perhaps it was worth it because he was up to his (un)usual antics, I think everyone present yesterday will definitely remember what he bought for the gift exchange.lol.

Lucky deb =X

//the best drama//

I'm abit slow..but this show is fantastic.

moonlight resonance.

//back from KL //

Actually our mini getaway was to my uncle's house in KL.
Oh and can you believe it, his house is so near to Zoo Negara, Malaysia's national zoo.
I mean, in Singapore, our zoo is at such a ulu place where nobody stays.
In KL, however, you can find residentials near the zoo.
According to my uncle, the animals there are underfed and malnourished, so we did not visit the zoo.
The nice part of it is that we could see giraffes walking about the back of the house. (of course there were fences)
The downside is that we could hear threatening lion roars and elephant screeches.
Not to mention the pungent smell of animal manure occasionally drifts into the house.
yucks.
lol.

Other than indulging in shopping, the highlight of the trip is going up the Petronas Twin Tower!
Actually, we just went up to the skybridge at the 41st floor. (The whole tower is about 81 storeys high)
Of course it isn't the highest in Asia already. (Taiwan's 101 building has taken over)
My mum and aunt kept saying the skybridge was swaying but I didn't feel any movement.
Perhaps it's all in their mind la.

Anyway, when the staff showed us some introductory video about the Petronas company, my sis and I felt it was so ironic.
Just one day ago, my uncle drove to a petrol station to pump his car but guess what?
The station staff said there was no petrol!
haha first time we're seeing a petrol station with no petrol for sale.
And it was not only one petrol station but the whole stretch of petrol stations.
Shell had no petrol, neither had Exon Mobil, Petronas or Berhad BHD.
It was until we reach the second Petronas station when there was finally a few pumping stations with petrol.

Later in the day when we went to this Jusco shopping centre, electricity was down when I was trying on some shoes.
The whole shopping centre was thrown into darkness save for a few dim lights in the department store.
All the other shops was in pitch darkness.
If there were dishonest people or thieves around, they could probably get a really fat loot.

As my uncle says, "Malaysia, no petrol, no electricity"

Another thing to mention is their confusing LRT systems.
At one platform, there can be two trains travelling in two different lines.
The catch is to look at the words shown on the front of the first cabin.
At first we did not know about this and caught the wrong train twice!
There was no different colour codes or whatsoever.
haha and I couldn't make any sense out of the malay words.

In Singapore, our LRT trains are colour-coded yet so many people still took the wrong one.
Are we so pampered?

By the way, the traffic conditions in KL is terrible, with jams everywhere.
Sometimes, the lights only allowed time for two cars to drive through.
I really admire the drivers there who have special adaptations abilities.
To avoid such long queues of cars, many of them skilfully did a U-turn, albeit illegally.
Anyway, knowing the kind of traffic police they have, most likely there will be no penalty.
Pedestrains are really bold to cross the roads in front of snaking queues of cars.
And the drivers are good at estimating the distance between the car and pedestrain to avoid knocking them down and at the same time move in the queue swiftly.

Overall, it's not too bad an experience, except for the fact that the bus operator cheated our feelings and money. They promised to let us alight at Kovan bus terminal but just before the Woodlands checkpoint came the annoucement that all will be getting down at woodlands checkpoint as the bus will not be going through the custom.
I bet that driver did not have a malaysian passport. (which by the way cost RM300)
That explains why we were issued new bus tickets (when we had already got on the bus) which was imprinted with RM 39 instead of the RM50 we paid.
Great. they have destroyed any evidence that we could use for lodging a complaint.
Having taken a 830pm bus, we were left stranded at wdl checkpoint at 2am.
What a nice end to the journey.

sem 1 exams has officially ended for me! yay!

come, holiday mood, come!

Off to a mini getaway to .... KL!

I have a long to-do list this coming holidays, hope I can complete them =D


there's an urge to change the blogskin, by the way.
the repulsive force from familiarity

// I dunno why //



I dunno why some people want to run away from familiar stuff.

people like me.

familiar stuff like places, people and food.



I always tend to complain and feel bored when

I been to familiar places, see familiar face, eat familiar food

but when it's gone

feelings of regrets just overwhelm

why I didn't cherish it in the first place.



some people have a admirable life.

yet they still complain.

some people are worse off.

yet they still need to listen to such complains.

and pretend to empathise.



Is there fairness?



some people are born to manipulate people and use them for their own benefits.

some people are born to be used and manipulated.



Is it true?



some questions about life doesn't have an answer.

some facts of life I'll never understand.




------------------------------------------
two posts in a day that don't make any sense.

enough la, you!

//whines//

next week.
econs and ms 2008.
ms 2008 the killer paper.
set by prof wang the genius.
i'll be killed.

why?
electrons.
such a small thing yet matters so much to my grades.

I dun understand why ntu doesn't give any study break.
Time. I'm lacking it.
Boo.
Still have so many chapters to go.
I'm also lacking in memory.
Think I only have 1gb the most.
how.how.

oh, I almost forgot to mention my econs mcq test.
80%
And I SUed the subject.
great huh.
but I can't slack for econs.
becuz the past year exam papers have shown it to be another difficult paper.
papers full of application qns will definitely kill me.
somemore, my memory retention power is really bad.
I forgot 70% of what I studied for the test.
I think I did the right choice to SU it after all.

obama 297 (won!) macain 139
(270 electoral votes to win)

I think obama is going to win! =)
Change, we need.

http://edition.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/results/president/

Astrology.com sent me a birthday reading. Lol.

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You appear gentle and soft, and you act rather reserved with others until you know them well and feel it is safe to be open with them. You have a strong need for emotional security and a sense of belonging, and are deeply attached to the past: your heritage, roots, family, cherished friends, familiar places, etc.Making radical changes or moving away from what is known and safe can be very painful and difficult for you. You tend to cling and hold on to people, memories, possessions of personal or sentimental significance. Having a home, a safe haven, is very important to you.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, youare not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you"sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive.You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

//say bye bye to tech com//

I had wanted to post on this last wed, when our presentation finally ended.
But I had some more things to do.
Anyway, I'm so glad that the project has ended.
I was extremely nervous while presenting, and I think many people did sense my anxiety.
Anyway, what's over has been dealth with and I shan't brood over it.
The results will be released on wed.
We were happy that our proposal achieved an A grade.
But, imagine our horror when it was only worth a measly 15%!
Even our 3-5 minute oral presentation carries 20%!
Anyway, people always say that a good start is half the battle won.
I am not too worried about the grade as per se.

Haha! I decided to prolong "my day" by one day!
So today I had a respite from school...uh but no break from study (I have another quiz worth at least 20% on wed, not to mention the upcoming exams starting next wed)
So here am I, enjoying my extended birthday!
Dun be too jealous of me, k! =D

// It's My Day! //

Before I launch into contemplating about turning twenty, I want to thank all those who have wished me. Those specially-concocted messages really warms the heart. =D

It is surprising how some of my old friends can remember my birthday.
Of course, they may have did it with the help of facebook or friendster, but I'm still grateful that they actually took the trouble to wish me.
Those are people whom I'm not close to, but have worked with before in projects or have taken the bus with, or simply have engaged in mindless chatter with.
Haha. You know it is them when their wishes come together with their surnames and the class you have been together to.

I especially want to thank my best-est friend of 12 years who have even taken the trouble to mail a card to me.
With today's technology, anyone can easily send an e-card instead of mailing by post but the latter really brings back alot of memories for me.
As I have shifted house twice,(technically thrice, though) I wouldn't have maintained many friendships without post.
When I first left my 1st primary school in P2, my pals and I wrote letters to each other to keep in touch.(suggested by my mum)
Even though, my friends just have to write one letter each, and I had to reply to all four letters (regina, gladys, ting hui, ping ting), I did not mind.
All the while, we did not get to meet up.
Sadly, I guess this was the reason our friendships started to weaken...
I lost touch with them in P6 and sec 1 mainly because we stopped writing.
It was rather sad for me because 2 of them apparently moved but did not inform me.
My letters to them just bounced back to me, with the words "wrong address" imprinted.
I guess I will still meet them someday and I do hope I can still recognise them!

Come to think of it, I really wrote a lot of letters when I was younger.
When I shifted (again!) away from woodlands in sec 2, I wrote to my best-est friend,(christy)whom I got to know in primary sch and my secondary school friends (mt and wq =D).
All three of them are still very in touch with me even till now.

Perhaps it was all the cumulative letter writing over the years that made me like writing so much.
Nowadays, technology allows us to communicate instantly and the appeal of posting a letter is lost.
To save time and money, it is logical for us to make use of the technology to communicate.
Many have debated over the pros and cons of this matter. I'm not sure which is better though. I mean, if you win some, you'll lose some.
However, one thing I'm sure is that it is virtually impossible for us to revert back to the old days, though the communication by post will always remain a soft spot in my heart.

// for one more day //

Just read ' for one more day ' by mitch albom.
I had no idea this book was about life and death beforehand.
The protagonist in the story had wanted to seek death because he felt rather useless and hence guilty towards his ex-wife, daughter.
And most importantly, his mum.
He did not manage to see his mum one last time before her death as he went to play some baseball game.

He was in an accident when he miraculously saw his mother alive
I think that was his hallucination.
Anyway, during his hallucination, he spent a day with his mum.
That day, ironically his most meaningful day of his life, he:

1) discovered his mum secretly worked as a cleaner to support his education
2) found out his dad, whom he has admired so much, had another family
3) took a trip down memory lane about what his mum has done for him and what he did not do for her.

A touching, yet inspiring book.

// one thing after another //

ok, now i'm officially taking a break from tutoring!
yes!
my tutees' exams have all ended and now what's left to do is to wait for their PSLE/E-O-Y results.

anyway, received an alarm bell from my psychology lecturer today.
exams are a month away.
i can't believe this sem is ending so soon.
i thought i had more time.
scary and relieved at the same time.

everything is getting tougher and i'm feeling the heat.
yr 1 sem 1 everything was relaxed and yr 1 sem 2 i was struggling.
yr 2 sem 1, well, time is just not enough.
in addition to tutorials, there's always something else, like reports, that we have to do.
one of my lab mates, a poly-direct entry student, commented that this sem was similar to his yr 3 in chemical engineering.
in other words, extremely busy and stressed.
another lab mate was reminiscing about yr 1 being a honeymoon yr.

and the truth is that things will get even more tough for the coming semesters.
everytime, i will just cringed when the lecturer says that the concepts he has just taught will be further elaborate on in yr 3/4.
it's like, i would be thinking: I can't even understand you now, how do you expect me to understand even more abstract stuff next time?
But as all things goes, I just hope a solution will surface when the time to face such problems arrives.

on a lighter note, i find psychology really fascinating.
i mean, other than memorising the theories and names of psychologists.
i really admire those psychologists who can stand up for their own beliefs.
to create a theory about human behaviour is indeed fascinating!
unlike what most people think, psychology is a science which theories have to be proven before being recognised.
as i understand it, a psychologist forms theories by observing humans/animals behaviour and also using his/her intuition and then prove it by doing experiments.
then the theory will be name after the psychologist.
and there would most likely be some other contradictory theories by some other psychologists.
hence they will need to argue for their stand.
psychology is also evolving.
theories that exist today can be obsolete tomorrow.
sounds like something i would like to do.
which reminds me that recently i heard from someone that her friend's daughter is earning a pathetic sum after graduating with a degree in psychology.
i really don't understand why psychology is so underrated sometimes.
especially when some branches of psychology have useful applications.
like organisational psychologists who can help to improve relationships among colleagues and increase productivity by creating a conducive working environment
like developmental psychologists who can help young children and mentally disabled children learn more effectively.
like criminal psychologists that helps to identify the profile of a criminal in order to solve cases.
anyway, the discrepancy is very wide, i have heard of organisational psychologists earning $10k/mth and psychologist-turned-counsellors earning $1.?k/mth.
the market for psychology graduates is just too small in sg and most tend to work in other fields.
but it is a different story in US.
perhaps the culture is just very different there.
Asian societies like ours value practical things like social standing and 'face' whereas they value things like human rights and freedom of speech.

//midterms //

This week: 2 down, 1 more to go.

I can wave my 40% worth of ms2008 grade goodbye.
Ok, I couldn't decide which midterm was worse, ms2005 or ms2008.
Or perhaps it was ms2002.

Anyway,
I was simply irritated to the core today during the test.
Call me sensitive or fussy
But I JUST CAN'T STAND IT
when the person sitting beside me keeps on sighing and banging his pen on the table

especially in the silence of exam time.
where every sound is amplified by at least 20 times and each bang on the table causes a vibration magnified by at least 50 times.

I don't know the person but was absolutely irritated by him.
We were supposed to sit in an alternating pattern but apparently there were not enough seats in the LT to accomodate this.
He came in late and I was sitting at the very last row so he conveniently plonked into the empty seat next to me.
Argh!
Never felt so frustrated during a test before.
Goodness knows how many times did he sigh.

I was thinking:
Bro, I know you have problems doing the questions but look, you're not the only one, Ok?
Very soon, that thought turned into frustration.
All I wanted was to throw a brick at him.
Luckily, after the test, he scot off fast.
Or else I don't know what I could have done.
Seriously.

In any case, i doubt any of my other uninterrupted midterms will be any better.
I always had this sinking feeling after every single test.
This "doomed-to-fail" feeling.
Well, I certainly hope my tutee won't have such similar feelings when PSLE starts on Fri.
The battle begins.
He, like me, is always hovering between a pass and a fail.
Talk about Who you'll meet is a mirror reflection of yourself.



Can I handle any more disappointment?

I don't want to face the world.

I wanna be alone.
Alone in the land of strangers.

//twist lick dunk//

haha.
Once i read the clarification notice put up by Oreo in 'Today', my mum and i immediately open a packet of Oreo cookies! =)

// reports, reports and more reports!//

Sort of tired doing the lab reports..

Ok, truth be told, I don't feel like doing anything.

except watching youtube videos, tv or shopping.

Hello man! it's holiday!!

and it's only for one week.

why am i stuck at home doing reports, studying and tutoring.

Mega SIGHS.

Happy times are always short-lived

.

// RECESS WEEK! //

it's already mid-term.
but i'm still wondering what is happening.
lessons are progressing at such a fast pace that
i'm lost

lectures and tutorials.
i'm stuck.

i mean, i knew an ENGINEERING course would be demanding
what i didn't know is that
i couldn't rise up to the challenge.

last sem was bad.
thus i wanted a change this sem.
but to improve things?
easier said than done.

self-motivation is losing steam.
self-comforting is hurting pride.
self-esteem is at all-time low.

i crave for more time
to study and understand
the abstract concepts
and formulae

but some other things are competing for my time.

travelling time.
it's definitely nice to return home to a comfortable place
but is it worth sacrificing 1/6 of a day travelling?

tuition.
it's great to have more allowance
and even leftover money to save every month
but is it worth spending the time?
a trade-off between money and time.

and I don't understand why we need to have tutorials for tech com module
cuz it's never productive.
just give lectures and record it
so that i can skip it and watch online recording in record time.

as for the constant disturbance in the house.
who dares defy the matriarch?
no point defending yourself or you will be accused of shifting reponsibility.
no point explaining or you will be accused of giving unreasonable excuse.
little things that makes no sense.
why argue?
my precious time will be wasted.
just admit to whatever teeny-wheeny accusation.

hence
i can't be bothered.
i'm NUMBED to the noise.

silence is simply the best solution.

//back to s'pore=back to reality//

Although I was in JB for less than a full day, it was nice to be physically away from the normal life.
This time round, it was for my cousin's wedding, which came as a surprise as he is only a few years (3-4 yrs) older than me.
In actual fact, it seems to be like a social norm in Malaysia to get married rather early, by S'pore's standards.
Anyway, due to the physical distance, my sis and I were never really close to any of our cousins, all of whom resides in Malaysia.
When we were young, perhaps, yes.
Especially during CNY when we played firecrackers with them and count our hongbao money together.
It was really enjoyable and bonded us and our cousins.
We had always look forward to CNY whereby my family will make trips to Malaysia as the bulk of our relatives stays there.
However, as time goes by, especially in the teenage years, my cousins would be visiting their friends during CNY and my sis and I would be left alone in the house to set firecrackers by ourselves.
Yes, even though the firecrackers still burnt as brilliantly, the enjoyment has already faded, leaving its remnants in our memories.
Time is what one cannot buy, no matter how much money one has.